This last month I learned something very interesting about myself. I have no patience, zero, zilch, nada, none! Still waiting to see what the Lord has in store for us and not sure where we will call home in a couple of months. Each week we've been feeling like were hanging by our toenails just moments away from finality of this phase, and each week we continue to wait. I'm just trusting that in HIS time, it will all make sense. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." - Psalm 37:7 ........Easier said than done!! Today, we finally reached an agreement with the purchaser of our house. Ahh.. its a peaceful feeling, especially from where we started to where we've come!
Im attempting to keep my head clear and enjoy my last couple of months here in Windom (which happens to be closer to a lot of my friends, closer to my little brothers, closer to my Mom and closer to church).. Now I just have to remind myself to stick my neck out there and be sociable :). Right now, Noah has school at noon. He gets picked up by bus at about 11:50, so were eating lunch by 11. The babies (I think its funny how when I'm referring the the 1 and 2 year old -- their babies, If I'm referring to the 2 and 4 year old -- their the big kids :)) nap around noon til 3, and at 3 Noah gets done with school and it seems its time to starting thinking about preparing a supper-time meal for Matt! Realistically, I have a rigorous schedule with those little guys -- yet, I constantly feel like I'm not getting out there and being social :). I've been standoffish lately, not just because of the crazy schedule though. I think I'm preparing to go back to St. James and not be just a short walk away from several friends. There are people in St. James that I do truly miss, and I especially miss the time with my husband.. but man-o-man, I'm surely going to miss this community :(...
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time at my Moms. It's easy to just pop in there when the kids are being needy and have to get out of the house. Her house is also a place where I can go and tune out the world and know that my kids are getting what they need (and usually much-much more.. spoiled rotten is more like it). Nick and Dylin play with the kids, take them outside and swing them, play tag etc. etc. My mom is quick to hold out her arms and snuggle whoever wants to snuggle and she is especially partial to coloring for hours with the kids. I'm going to miss that, a lot. It's always nice to escape over there, because even if I only have a spare 45 minutes, they are usually just happy i've stopped.
Every other Tuesday, I head to Mankato with Kendra for hearing therapy. This week, my mom is on vacation so she will be coming with me and doing some shopping. Last week, my sister and I took my mom shopping (Kendra got to come too, it was a "girls" day). We had a blast and it was really a joy to see my mom get treated to something out of the norm. My sister is really generous, always gift giving! I CANNOT wait for mid-week to hit, my nieces are coming to spend the end of the week at my moms. Love 'em to pieces and since having my own little kidlets I haven't been able to spoil them like I used to. My McKenzy Dawn has a little power over me though, pretty sure she knows it ;) I'm excited to have everyone together this weekend for Easter!! Maybe we will even play some Wii Wheel of Fortune :) Cuz were cool like that ;)
A couple weeks ago we had a scare with Kendra, her ear was bleeding bright red blood. It was like a steady drip and I was panicked! Happy to say though, it was just another ear infection. I was worried that maybe she had stuck something in her ear! We took her to the ER and she got sent home on antibiotics and upon contacting her ENT, she is also on ear drops. The first part of the week, until about Wednesday was pretty rough. She was not sleeping well in the night. This momma needs her sleep to function!
I had the GREAT fortune to speak on a panel of Moms regarding being a parent of a special needs child. I'm in a lovely group with several wonderful women who opened their heart to hearing what they could do FOR me (being a mom of 3 deaf/hard of hearing children). This group has been one of my saving graces as a mother!! I've built bonds with women that I otherwise would not have opened myself to. While I recently started this blog where I have shared some deep moments, earlier in my motherhood days I was very, very private. Maybe private isn't even the right way to describe it, because it wasn't as if I was trying to withold information. I was really just not that comfortable with speaking in general about my "situation". It's a hard topic to bring up and obviously a hard topic to ask questions about without feeling like your prying or getting too personal. I don't usually introduce myself as "Renae Steffen, mother of 3 deaf children". They are soooo much more than that! Both good and bad ;). Of course, somehow I let myself get emotional when talking about our lives. In fact, I think our panel had a vast majority of our audience break some sort of a tear throughout the session. The truth is, while I'm not necessarily looking for extra sympathy (especially because I think ALL moms/families have issues for which we should find sympathy in our hearts).. but I am requesting that ALL families show awareness to their children. Teach them how far a kind smile goes and encourage them to LOVE their neighbors!! Point them in the direction of equality and pray that they grow up with the courage to stand up for what their heart KNOWS is right!! If you teach your children that everyone is a child of GOD, there will be hope for my Noah, Kendra and Miles. There are going to be kids along the way who will reject my children, that is just a fact that I have to come to terms with. But I find PEACE knowing that YOU, yes YOU, will encourage your kids to be fair and give kids like mine, who are a little 'different' a chance.
Trust me, one conversation with Noah -- and he will win you over with his cutesy putesy little smile and refreshing personality! Look into little Kendras pretty blue eyes and past her snarly attitude, you might even get a glimpse into her dimply bubbly self. If your really lucky, you might get a sneak peak into a Milesy dance party :).. Can't even imagine them any other way :)
