Well what can I say, it's been on my heart and I have been exposed to a lot of opportunities to hear about Them. Friendships. I can say I feel abundantly blessed in this department, yet at times I feel just overwhelmingly lonely. Does that make any sense at all?
I have always had such a tough time stepping out of my comfort zone, and to the eye I appear to be a very quiet and reserved person. Really, I am both of those things, but there IS another side to me. I am quirky, and funny and sometimes quick to think on my feet. Other times I calculate for a LONG time before saying what is really on my mind. My own very conflicting personality has helped me to gain understanding of how other people may work. So what I often wonder is... How do I be the type of friend that can have a lot of fun with people but then also have honest conversations that are full of seriousness? How do I know when someone wants to have a relationship with me that is full of roller coaster emotions that make me female? I have always struggled with the idea that friends don't want to be drug down by my realities, because they have their own. But honestly, my struggles make me ME! My joy makes me ME!!! I know that some people are noses and others are armpits.. The two just don't match! But it's really not that easy to recognize. I felt like after I had my first son, I was separated from a core group of friends because I was a mom and most of them were not. Adding his hearing difficulties to the mix made me really feel out of place. Fast forward 5.5 years and add on 2 additional children with hearing problems and a fiery heart for Jesus and I agree, I am not who I was back then. Yet, my heart feels sad that there were people that I was really close to and thought I would never live life apart from and it's just not the case.
So the more I thought about this topic, the more I realized that I just worry way too much. I expect myself to have all this control over situational things. I have bonds with people that are unbreakable,
yet I long for more. I want clear signs that this is the right person to have in your life and I want
people to just outright say " I really enjoy you!!" If only that more naturally rolled off the tongue. Lucky me, I DO have some people in my life that shower me with such affirmations. I had a great friend call me the other day and say 1. You look great 2. Your a great friend and 3. I appreciate you... Talk about a friendship love tank being filled up!!! Now why wouldn't I have enough courage and make a phone call to reciprocate those feelings or better yet, remember how wonderful that made me feel and share the love with another unsuspecting friend? I know why, I'm not good at putting myself out there like that. Silly excuse, but its definitely out of my comfort zone to receive compliments like that, let alone give them!
This past weekend I was invited to a crafty weekend away. I knew about half of the ladies before the weekend began, so naturally for me I was a little nervous about how my time would go. Especially considering I am NOT a crafter. What a wonderful bunch to be introduced to. I learned a few things this weekend that I feel will help me be a better friend. We laughed a lot, there was a lot of listening- like really really listening and there was genuine interest. There were people that I had just met for
the first time that cared about how situations made me feel and they asked questions and they cared. It made me realize that it's all about time. We're not always going to have time, and we can't expect others to be available constantly. Truth be told, if given the right opportunity friendships can be cultivated. It's nurturing them that becomes a task.
What kind of friend are you? Do you like to listen? Are you ever frustrated because your the one who always has to make the call to get together or catch up? Get over it, some of us are just not first step takers. My apologies for living such a double life.. Extremely shy yet overwhelmingly full of thought. I can't be the only one that has a personality like that.. Can I? I know, I confuse myself. Lucky for me, I have a blog where I can just blatantly say "I struggle with communication".. Some people get misdiagnosed as snobs or not willing to make the effort. For me, this is not the case at all. I'm probably the one sitting across the room from you that just wishes I could get the nerve to say "I follow you silently on Facebook, because I'm interested and I care". Which brings me to Facebook...
Such a neat piece of technology, yet it allows us into people's lives without actually letting them know. Realistically, I don't know how many of my hundred or so friends want to read what I post. I
don't know how many people genuinely think "Glad to be able to see those kids grow up". I know that sometimes people "like" what I share, but outside of that, do we really make the effort? I was spoiled again, a friend I've only gotten the chance to breeze the surface with messaged me. I met her at the mom group I attend. Not sure if she reads my blog or not, but she said the sweetest things about Noah. She works in his school and had the opportunity to work with him since he has specialized programs. What a sweet lady, to make the effort and let me know that she thought Noah was a sweet and hardworking boy. She lifted me up and gave me confidence with her little Facebook message. That's what friends are for, that's what I need to remind myself to aim for. I want to empower my friends and just let them know I care and not just fly under the radar and be interested from afar. I wasn't expecting the message, and the element of surprise brought me to tears.
Sometimes friendships are not easy. There are times we have disagreements and feelings get hurt. Misunderstanding has been the biggest reason I can diagnose in my life for friendship failure. The hard part with that is, for most of us, conflict is terrifying. However, I find it much more horrific to tip toe around my hurt feelings. There comes a time where you owe it to ourself to just say "hey, that kinda hurt me". You should not have to compromise your values or your feelings to have friends. The flip side of that is to remember those little things in us called hOrMoNeS!!!!! Think about your words before you spit them out. Once you've spoken, the words cannot be taken back. Some friends of mine use the toothpaste analogy. Words are like toothpaste, once you squeeze that paste out of the tube, there is no way to get it back in there. In my whole 25 years of life experience (please don't discredit me!!!!!) I have come to realize that conversations are a bit like this...... There is what you said, what they heard, what you meant and what they felt.. Those variables are not always going to align. Be understanding that not everybody might be as open to other people's thoughts and opinions or ways of communicating. Not everybody has gotten the chance to research or be enlightened about the many ways people may feel, either.
My last point on friendships is really this... Be the type of friend you would love to have. Be honest, forgiving, easy going and LOVING. Love your friends through the good times and especially through the bad. If your noticing that your the armpit in some of your friendships, freshen up!! Haha.. But really, not all friendships are meant to thrive. Don't feel guilty for it. Some people just need a wake up call that the way they behave has negative effects on your friendship. Be as forgiving as you can, but be honest. Pray. Then pray some more. If the relationship is toxic, you cordially move on. Moving on means not dragging that baggage with you. There is no need to continually remind our friends of that persons shortcomings.
Whew, that was a whirlwind for me to write.
Onto a few notes about my sweet little family. Tonight Noah was razzed up and not listening so I said to him... Is there something wrong with your hearing???? I instantly felt like such a jerk. My husband shrugged it off, an there I stood with both hands over my face in tears. Ummmmm toothpaste. What is wrong with me somedays?? I love these kids beyond my words, but I still struggle to relate sometimes. Miles has been expanding his vocabulary and I have recently made note of how sweet his heart really is. If I say ouch!! He will run over to me and say "what's a matter mommy? What happened". He will then kiss my ouchie and say "all better!!" He doesn't miss a beat and is really looking forward to nice outside weather. Kendra is still loving school, and loves to talk.. A lot. She makes more and more sense everyday.
My backyard is a giant icicle, so my prayer request is that those traveling get where they need to safely and that those that get to stay home, appreciate their families and avoid cabin fever :)
Blessings, dear friends!
