Some kids wake up and the morning singing (Miles) and some kids are only 6 but you really think they are already in a stage of life where they need a cup of coffee before anyone is allowed to talk to them (Kendra). There is another type of kid, he wakes up in the morning quite easily. He is the silent type, mostly communicating in gestures. He is right to the point, gets all things done that are expected of him immediately and then he veg's out on the couch while reading whatever book happens to be his choice at the moment (Noah). In addition to the three types of kids already mentioned, there are a couple of scheming (Baylee), bathroom flooding (Aubree), giggly (Aubs), cuddly (Bay) and princess-like kiddos-- and they all live under one roof. MY roof. It's interesting, to say the least, to navigate all of the different personalities, accommodate all of the different quirks and to have grown the threshold of patience that it requires to manage my 9, 6, 5 and two 2 year olds. I'm pretty sure I have to remind myself daily, to take better control of my body language, facial gestures and to control my emotions-- whether it be anger, irritation, sadness and sometimes even laughter. Did you know it's not good "mom behavior" to laugh after your 2 year old gives your 9 year old a wet willy??? Well, let me spare you some humiliation :).
I'm just a 29 year old momma, whose daily goal is to keep a home that my husband is happy to come home to, warm my children's hearts with an attentive listening ear, support all of my kids in their interests and efforts and be sure to encapsulate as many of the little moments of preciousness (and really, all the hard stuff too-- the tears, fights, hard situations and learning opportunities). Because.... before you know it, your two 2 year olds are 4 days away from turning 3. Everyday, you find yourself picking up a little girl and holding her in nice and close and whispering in her ear "what am I going to do when you get too big for me to carry??"
The change is so subtle, so gradual that you almost can't appreciate it until your reflecting back on the times that have passed. I have a 4th grader this year, a sweet young man who has really taught me so much about life. We have come such a long way... both he and I. When I brought him into the world, I was a teen... for 12 days. I had Noah 12 days before turning 20. Good gravy, I was young. He taught me so much in a really short amount of time. I watched my husband fall in love with a little boy instantaneously. Matt is not a crier. I can count on one hand how many times I have seen tears on this man, and all of them occurred around death, except for once. Right after the birth of our Noah bear, I watched him wipe away a stray tear. Immediately, they bonded. So in love, he was SOO in love. My husband had already won my heart, but I watched him further grow into a responsible, dependable and loving man. Those three characteristics are something that he works on, regularly-- and I couldn't be more grateful that he chose me to be his wife. I'm thankful that I have him to help me raise our brood.
I was not well, after I had Noah. My husband picked up much of the slack on my part. Rather than dwelling on how I should have handled those first few weeks and maybe even the first few months as a new mom, I recently decided at the coaxing of my husband that I did a pretty darn good job. I'm doing a really good job. Ahh.. I said it, and I really kinda meant it. I'm doing my best, and my best is pretty. darn. good. *release the tension off my neck, deep breath out, tears trickle down*
Kendra, my six going on 26 year old has always tested my patience. She has a heart of gold and a smile that detoxes every bad thought out of my head, but she really has an attitude that is as big as my house. Most people, especially those that have her in pretty small doses will say that she is the sweetest little girl, and she really can be. She can also be an enforcer. She tends to think that she is the law of the Land o' Steffen. I can get so frustrated with eaining and then re-explaining that if someone does something that she doesn't like (specifically in our home- heh, go figure. I guess the old saying "were hardest on those who are closest to us" is true from an early age), she needs to address the situation with me, then I-me-MOM---- IIIIII will handle it. This concept has been slow to grasp, but I cannot give up hope. I just hope the shoves, glares, pinches, pokes and YELLS are ummm... normal sibling behavior? Pish-posh, what is normal anyway?? So just when I think I'm screwing her up, we check the mail this weekend and find the sweetest and most encouraging piece of mail in our box. Guess whose child was chosen as Terrific Kid for the first semester, during her first eligible year?? My Kendra Louise. Based on being responsible, being respectful and all those other things that I was just certain we were missing the mark on. Huh.. go figure. I guess I really am doing a pretty darn good job.
Miles, who actually happened to be my hardest baby, has morphed into this smiley, sing-songy, tender hearted little guy. His kind gestures and desire to please others remind me so much of my own personality. He clams up whenever he doesn't like something that has happened, he hides and runs away. He is my mini-me, and it scares me to death sometimes. Nevertheless, I think he has a heart for others and his personality is fun-loving, and he is so much like his dad in so many ways-- it is really neat to see how all of our kids have just taken bits and pieces of both of us. It's alarming and awakening when you really realize that so much of how we talk, act, respond and our upbringing of all of these kids, will really determine the men and women that we are raising. Some days, it feels like we have TOO much power, its scary. Other days, I'm certain that I don't have enough control. Thankfully, I surrender to prayer and a hope that I am enough. As parents, we are all enough.
Aubree and Baylee are the tip of the ice berg, the element that keeps my beautiful hair stylist in business because of my ever-growing gray hairs, the true "icing" on the cake. I'm listening to them giggle now, as they are supposed to be in their room resting. Pitter patter of tiny un-socked toes are hitting the hardwood floors upstairs, they are not even TRYING to fool me down here. Today was Aubree's last day of in-home speech with our deaf and hard of hearing specialist. It was a bitter-sweet day. Bitter, because they are growing so fast, I don't know when they transitioned from "the babies" to "the little girls". Sweet, because I am ready, after almost 9.5 years of specialists in my home (don't get me wrong, we all have grown to love some of the people we have had the privilege to work with). Sometimes, people ask me "what have you been up to??" I never really feel like I have a whole lot to report, but somehow, I always have just felt like I am really busy. Yesterday, I spent the day with my sister. When it was nap time, I laid on the floor with the little girls. Aubree climbed up onto my and I rocked her to sleep, shuffling my arms from side to side. It was the sweetest feeling, I cannot even remember the last time I rocked my little girl to bed. I held her close and she reciprocated, clasping her arms around me as far as they would go. It's bittersweet, my friends. Tomorrow, I am having entrance conferences to start Aubree and Baylee in a 3's preschool program. Yeah, soak that all in for a minute.
The clock never stops ticking, it won't even slow down-- I've been getting warnings for many, many years. People have taken the time to graciously 'cheerlead' me on by saying "one day, you will miss this chaos". It's finally starting to really sink in. The days, they pass so fast. Everything is always undergoing transformation, and I keep it in my daily prayers that I stay positive and enjoy the ride. The good, hard, bad, sad and the learning experiences are all a part of the journey.
I have always been a "keep your hands inside the tram at all times" rule follower, I'm not much of a risk taker and I'm most definitely not a thrill seeker. For the most part, I lay low key and keep to myself. One day, I got a wild hair to start a blog, record keeping my feelings and experiences. It was incredibly out of character, in my opinion. Best. decision. ever. I've grown so much and have great record of experiences and memories, both good and bad. If your reading this, thank you for caring and allowing me to share :) Much love!
xoxo
