Cha-Ching!!

Sometimes I get a little frazzled at my duties as a mama and teacher.  This week, I was OVER-delighted to learn that Kendra is in around the 25% for SPEECH (and she understands more than she says!!!!) for her AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOO :)  I know its less than average, but bear in mind that this scale is measured against NORMAL hearing children.  Not to mention, Kendra has only been hearing for 12 months at the time of testing!!  Couldn't be more proud to be her mama.. and her teacher :)

So I've been following through with the "working on myself" business.  I can say that I am feeling refreshed and I think even doing a better job at being a caretaker for my children and being a wife for my husband.  Working on myself so far has consisted of several minor tweaks to my everyday life.  Currently, I have chosen to let go of the worries of how my children will behave outside of my home.  I'm one of those Moms that worries that my kids are going to be the obnoxious, rough, loud kids.  Or that I will have the children that won't let me leave the 'nursery' area to do whatever I've shown up to do.  I also have reservations about dropping them off in big groups with not a lot of big helpers because I worry that they will be a burden with all of the 'extras' they come with (kendra-2 cochlear implants, Noah-1 aid, 1 implant and Miles-2 Hearing Aids).  Yeah, my kids might be the ones that are a bit much to handle but ehh.. if it doesn't work out, I will just have to keep trying.  I'm not afraid of 'exposing' the lil' Steffens to other people, just afraid of putting too much responsibility on the help!  Did you know that if Kendra's CI's get mixed up (Left one put on right side or vice-versa) she will scream a schrill of pain/discomfort??  I'm not sure what exactly happens, but I know that it is not a good situation.  I worry about things like that happening, if her 'ears' fall off.  We call all the hearing devices ears.  Or atleast we did up until Noah decided it was not sophisticated enough to label his hearing devices as ears ;)  My little smarty pants prefers correct terminology these days.  Imagine being out with us and having me say to you "uhoh, have you seen Kendra's right ear??"  Sounds a bit funny, but that is how we talk.  Matt and I question sometimes what an onlooker might think of us scolding our kids saying "Hey, you need to listen!"  We've had a look a few times that I've read as "Lady, obviously they struggle to hear you".  The truth is, they might struggle to hear.  In large groups where there is a lot of background noise, it is difficult for them to decide what piece of noise they should be listening to.  However, I can tell you Noah can hear a whisper.  Noah can hear quite well, but sometimes he just choses not to LISTEN!!  :)  A good example of that is me asking Noah to pick up his legos -- He doesn't respond.  I ask again, still no response.  Next move of mine is to check to see if his processor is working.  I take it off and he says HEY!  I need that!  Then, when I ask him why he wasn't answering me -- He tells me "Umm.. Maybe I didn't want to hear you".  Imagine Noah with an ear to ear grin on his face... little stinker. 

Continuing on with what I'm doing for myself to better myself.. DATE NIGHT!!!!  A lot of times I need help from my family when it comes to watching my kids.  If they aren't watching them for an appointment, then they are watching them so I can work.  Sometimes I would just feel silly asking someone to watch them just so I could spend an evening with my husband.  Even as I type this I think of how ridiculous it is to neglect my relationship with my husband because of my worries about what my family might think about me leaving my kids behind to go on a date with my husband.  I TRULY believe spending time apart from the kids is important.  Can't say I've perfected the art of making my husband #1, but I sure am trying!!

I'm reading more :)  I forgot how much I really enjoy reading.  I feel like it enhances my vocabulary to venture away from reading strictly - "Cat in the Hat" or "Llama llama, red pajama" ;)  While those books are HUGE hits with my kids, I'm giving myself some time to read books of my own chosing.  At first it was a chore, and I thought.. the last thing I wanted to be doing with my free time was reading more books.  But lately, I can get lost in a book!  It's such a stress reliever :)

I've decided to let my kids be kids and enjoy their toys, but to also hold them accountable for some of the cleanup.  Noah likes to earn money by cleaning up toys and making his bed.  The kids are getting used to not dumping out all the toys - and being able to play with a few at a time.

This may seem a bit silly, but I've been using pinterest a ton lately.  A.) It is interesting and fun to see what is all on there, but mostly B.) I have found TONS of meal plans that have made my job of deciding what is for supper - WAY easier.  I'm pretty sure I can cut my eat-out budjet in half by using this site.  Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy saving money??  There is some sort of thrill I get from saving that I can't even explain!  If I can get better about planning ahead on the grocery end, I think I will be making less trips there too.  But I have to admit, its kind of a stress reliever to hit the grocery store kid free :) I think the trick to keeping my relationship with pinterest healthy is C.) Limit my time - set an alarm for a quit time :)  A friend of mine sends her kids with a kitchen timer alerting them when it's time to come home.. I've stolen that idea to monitor my screen time :)

I love to laugh.  I find great joy in making others laugh also!  I can even giggle a bit just knowing that something in this post may have made someone laugh at the screen before them!  I'm shy, but watch out when I break out of that shell!!  My witty one-liners might just drive you nuts ;)

Recognizing the beauty in the small things!

I just had a magnificent Valentines Day!  Matt went into work early, so he could get off a little earlier to take me out for supper :)  When I woke up, I saw a beautiful spread on my dining room table!!  There was a vase filled with a beautiful flower arrangement, a candle lit, a decorative box filled with Andes mints and cream cheese frosted brownies!!!  Whats even better about the brownies is.. He got them from Hy-Vee (I love you honey, but your not the next great baker ;)).  I looked in amazement at the assortment he created for me when I realized he had the stereo on a low enough tone where it wasn't over-powering but I could hear it gently in the background.  It was playing some beautiful music.  I found my bible opened up to the book Song of Songs with vs. 10 and 11 highlighted.  It read "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.

What a sweetie, right??

Poor guy though, this will be tough to top next year ;)  I did feel pretty special!  I know he had to have spent some time just thinking all those little details out.

For Valentines Day, I brought Kendra to the clinic!  Well maybe that wasn't exactly a special occasion that brought us there.. it was for an ear infection :(  On a bright note, Kendra has not had an ear infection in quite some time.  I'm glad that its coming on now as more of a 'special occasion' rather than staying and planting its infectious self in her ear.  They took a culture of the discharge that is coming out of her ear and my hope is that we might find out what bacteria is actually growing in there (it is quite smelly) and maybe be able to better treat or prevent it! 

While we were at the clinic we had a nurse that we had never met before.  Kendra, being her shy self initially was afraid to be weighed or even put down.  This nurse was over-the-top amazing though.  She was VERY patient with Kendra and also gentle and understanding.  She asked us questions regarding Kendras implants.  They were very genuine questions, which are always welcomed.  As it turns out, she has a couple of cousins who are deaf.  She marveled at Kendras speaking abilities.. At this point Kendra was showing off, couting 1-2-3-4-5, playing peek-a-boo and of course hamming up her audience with her great big dimples and ear to ear smile.  I'm actually really appreciative of this visit, because our nurse gave me some of the kindest words of affirmation a stranger could EVER offer.  She just commented on Kendras speech, mentioned her cuteness and what struck me the most is how she praised her happiness.  She told me to "pat myself on the back for a job well done" and praised me for the follow through and hard work that we've put in since implanting.

I had dropped Miles off with my uncle Tim and my cousin Victor was there too.  When I got back from the clinic to pick Miles up I cought the two grown men, on their hands and knees pushing Miles around the living room on a little 4 wheeler.  Blessed.  That's how I felt about the love Miles was recieving from them while I had zipped Kendra to the clinic.  Sweet little Miles is a walking man now!! Well, kind of walking - maybe stumbling is a better way to explain it.

We've been celebrating growth in all of our childrens language skills lately.  While watching The Cat in the Hat the other day, Noah was sitting on my lap.  I felt him jolt around to the suspenseful music.  It was really rewarding to see him recognize those auditory cues in the form of music.  Music is a toughy for kids with implants.  They say that it 'sounds' more mechanical.  Seeing as to how Noah doesn't really understand what 'normal' sounds like, maybe it will be an advantage that he has already just adapted to.  The dreaded kindergarden letter came in the mail yesterday.  Ugh, if I only knew all the answers in life! 

Today, Noah told me that he is sooo very proud of me.  The best part of why he is proud of me is that all I did to make him proud was cut up a banana and share it with all the kids.  OH the simple things :)  I'm hoping I can take some lessons from Noah on recognizing the beauty in the small things!!!

Welcome, February!

I am in such a good mood and I'm just not sure whats gotten into me!  While Kendra is defining her new "I'm 2, deal with it" attitude, Miles is approaching 1.  Tomorrow we will celebrate his first birthday!  Noah has already been inviting people to his 5th birthday party (not til July 31... but has totally been on his mind since his siblings recent birthday party).  Definitely been staying busy over here at the Steffen house.  Last week, I updated my dry-erase calendar from October to February :)  Time for me to start taking control of my TIME! 

Just thinking about time... I start to wonder, how can Noah be turning 5 this summer??!  How did that happen?  I've been putting some thought into whether or not to have Noah go to kindergarden next year or to hold off.  He LOVES school, and I think the structure of school and the social setting is really good for him.  But, what to do, what to do!?  This thought process gets me to thinking about all the decisions we make and where those decisions lead us.  It's hard to believe that 2 years ago I was a full time employee.  After we had Kendra, we found out she was hearing impaired and sort of felt like we needed to make some priority shifts in our life in order to offer our kids the best of ourselves.  We prayed, and prayed and prayed some more.  I think I was literally looking for God to smack me upside the head and say "stay home, stupid" or "silly, silly girl, work hard and provide".  Needless to say, there was no literal smacking going on.  Instead, we found out we were expecting Miles and then making a decision to stay home felt more clear :)

I'm totally the over-analyzer type.  I come off calm, clear and collected but on the inside my brain is usually racing!!  The thought "What if.." might be one of my biggest downfalls.  I'm definitely strong willed, but also a people pleaser.  Sometimes I struggle with what I want to do for myself but what I feel like I should be doing for someone else.  I need to remember that it is not always selfish to work on myself.  This past weekend at a retreat I was reminded that I cannot love well until I feel well loved.  I sort of feel like here I have been trying to lovelovelovelovelove love!!  Don't get me wrong, I love to love.  One of the ways I feel most fulfilled is showing acts of kindness to others.  But lately, I think I've lost a little bit of sight of the truth behind my loving nature.  I need to remember that I love, because HE loved me first.  I serve an awesome GOD who loves me despite any kind actions or kind words I might share.  At the end of the day, God has NOT tallied my kind behaviors.  Before I can truly share love with anyone, I need to be able to recieve it.  Maybe its my "womanly" nature, but I struggle with feeling unworthy sometimes.  When I am really struggling with something, I search for peace within myself and rarely find it there.  1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Trust me, I've been in some pretty deep rutts.  I've allowed my mind to drive me absolutely nuts with my "what if" mentality.  I am SOOOO not perfect, nor will I ever be.  But one thing I can say with certainty, is that when I am at a low.. HE brings me comfort.  I just have to be able to ask for it, and able to recieve it!

I just have a cute story that I have to share!  If you've seen my Noah, you know he is pretty sweet :)  We were at a store the other day and a little boy, not much shorter than Noah walked up to him and swiped his magnetized ear piece of his cochlear implant off his head.  Noah said "Hey, thats my cochlear implant, I need that so I can hear!" and the little boy said "What is that???"  Noah said to him "It's like glasses for ears and I need them" and he had a big smile on his face :) :)  Noah took the magnet back off and said "see, now I can't hear you anymore" then he flipped it back on and said "I can hear you again".  My little boy is already learning skills to advocate for himself!  Quite frankly, I'm glad that lil' boy got loose from his Mom and Noah got the opportunity to explain!!  This is always something when your a little bit 'different' that you might worry about.  But now Noah has proved to me, he is fully equipped and able to hold his own with that matter!  It's almost ridiculous how many times I have make-shifted that situation in my head and worried and worried and worried about it!  Noah handled it better than any of my imaginatory events turned out.  Couldn't be more proud of that little boy. :)