God Wink!

It's mid July, yet the weather is very similar to an early fall day.  It's complete with leaves falling in my front yard--- no joke, yuck.  The mess the leaves leave behind is the only part of fall I don't enjoy, so these past couple of days have been beautiful in my opinion.  Yesterday, I brought my uncle into the hospital to have a scan done.  Prayers for him would be appreciated, hopefully all will turn out to be well.  In order for me to help someone like my uncle out, I need help with the 5 kiddos.  My not so little, little brothers are always a big help for short little bits of time like yesterday.  Nick, my 16 year old jokester of a brother is probably the most patient person in my entire family.  He is always willing to help me out, so he came over while I headed to the hospital.  It was a quick visit, and I had my uncle dropped off by 8:45 and was back at my house to pack up all the kids to bring my brother back to his house.  Since we were all packed up, I decided we could make a park visit.  It was before 9, and a bit chilly.  My kids had jackets on and the twins were in their infant seats snuggled with blankets.  We sat and watched the kids run around and play.  There were two other moms there with older boys who were playing together.  About 10 minutes into our park time, one of the moms said "Why would you keep having kids if you know they will be born with a disability".  She said it within ear shot of me, and goosebumps ran up my spine.  The hair on my arms raised and normally during a situation like this, I would pack my kids up and drive home to spend the rest of the morning/day feeling sorry for myself and my kids.  Yesterday was different, I replied.  I don't really know that I'm proud of what I said, but I'm actually content with the fact that I've come SO far.  I simply said "You know, your obnoxious".  To which the lady said "I wasn't talking about you".  I felt as though I was in the 6th grade having a childish argument.  I started to pack up, which my kids were EXTREMELY upset about.  They reminded me that we had only just gotten there and that they were not cold and they especially did not want to be done playing.  The other mom who was at the park softly said to me, "You don't have to go..." to which I replied a simple, "Would you stay?"

I mean really, would you stay?  The simple answer is no, probably not. I'm still not sure what I should have said, but I'm sure I shouldn't have told her she was obnoxious.  I can't remember the last time someone said something that was enough to make my skin crawl, regarding my kids.  Clearly, I am more insecure about their differences than I thought?

I went about my day, this time without tears.  Maybe I felt validated in the fact that I let her know what she said did not go unnoticed.  Previously, when people made me feel uncomfortable of "less than" because of my kids, I would have no comment.  I would move forward by thinking of the "what ifs" and "what could have beens".  I've grown way up from those days, even though I did have a good cry wondering why adults can't see past my kids' hearing devices.  Lack of exposure, insecurities from within, or maybe just uneducated?  I don't know what causes people to speak out in hurtful ways.

I went about my day as normal, prepared a lunch at home for my kids and fed the baby girls there favorites: squash and pears.  I had some business to take care of out of town, so my brother watched a few kids so I could run and get some things taken care of.  Kendra and Bay rode along to lighten the load on my brother.  Those two are my good shoppers, so it was a win-win.  A bonus of bringing Kendra with is that she like Chipotle.  The boys are not a fan of spicy, but Kendra is her mamas baby girl.  We sat down and shared a burrito with some chips and guac, and talked about our day.  We had a couple more stops to make, Sams club and HyVee on our list.  We were just about done when I decided to fill up my pop for the road and a lady approached me at the drink station.  She was crying and I was not sure what was wrong.  She directed me over to her barely walking little boy.  In between sniffles, she explained to me that her son Oliver was born deaf.  He had received cochlear implants 3 months ago, but she had given up on them.  She was discouraged by his lack of language and felt like they were not working.  She also told me that seeing Kendra gave her hope.  Of course, I was crying (anytime I see someone emotional, I can't hold back).  I sat back down at our table with her and her sister was there too.  Her sister was very quiet,  but you could tell their bond was strong.  Oliver was such a sweet boy, he did not have his CI's on, but his mom had them in her bag.  She told me how he didn't like them and if left unattended for any amount of time she would likely need to search for them.

Oh the memories!  I can remember those first few months, wondering if we had made the right decision.  Imagine a small toddler, crawling/running/bouncing around town or even just your house with 4-8 wedding rings??  It's like trusting your one year old with $40,000, not easy when they don't have any sense of responsibility.  It's even harder when you feel like they aren't working.  It took what felt like forever to get those first few words out of my kids' mouths.  I did my best to be honest and encouraging, because I know what she is going through is not easy.  Oliver is her first, and she doesn't know if she should have more kids.  Maybe society says that its easier to not have more kids, so you can have more attention to pay towards the needs of your one child.  However, what others think should not determine your life path.  When I told her that I have 5 kids, 4 with hearing issues and all ages 6 and under she gasped with her hand over her mouth and all.  I can only imagine what was going on in her head :).  I assured her that there are sacrifices in our family, but that all of my kids are loved through and through regardless to their needs.

What a day!  I absolutely love it when I get a God wink!!!!  I know that he was using my morning experience and the perspective I had gained from being in that situation to equip me to have a further understanding when I met Olivers mom.

On the way home yesterday, I brushed my shoulder , looked in my rear view mirror and uttered the words "I still got it" ;)

Blessed!