Positive thinking helps me to be a better mom/wife/PERSON! :) Therefore, I am feeling the NEED to share some of that insight, even though recent months have somewhat been emotional ones. Recently, I've been reminded over and over again that my identity stems far beyond motherhood. Imagine that!?! It's hard to imagine not being a mom, or having little ones pulling on my pant legs. It's hard to imagine life before Aubree and Baylee, let alone before Miles or Kendra and my 6.5 year old Noah! Oh man, I am a WIFE, an aunt, a FRIEND, a daughter, a SISTER, a listener, a SPEAKER, a writer.. and so many more things!! They are important things, but they get muddled in and stuck behind being a momma. It's such an important piece of who I am, and I've lately been embracing the fact that while I may not always be able to do what I want (whether it be FINALLY getting to that pesky sock bin and mating my husband some stinkin' socks!!!) I am STILL all of those things!!! I have notes that are coming out of my ears about things that I want to document, write about or blog about. There has been ZERO amount of time to hammer my heart out on the keypad of my computer. But that's ok! Right? Maybe?
Within reason, I think its very important to pursue your passions. Sometimes, that might mean taking a time out from your household and spending time with a girlfriend. I've discovered that I enjoy sharing with people. I will share my opinion, my bag of chips, my laughter and I especially love to share my experiences. Many times, I have found it sooo absolutely freeing and humbling to just be honest and tell people the raw stuff. I keep in contact with quite a few moms who have children who are deaf or hard of hearing and the relationships that have been the most rewarding for me are the ones that I have just been cut throat honest with. We talk about the good, the bad and the even worse. Right now, I'm missing a cochlear implant :( BOOOOO!!!!! Everyday, I have a sweet mom who just shoots me an e-mail and says "find it yet??? Or do I still need to pray???". Same e-mail, everyday. I have hope that this CI will be located, even though its been a fair amount of time. It's super encouraging to have someone care and know just how important that device is. I mean, she really
really gets it. I'm not saying to have to have an implant or be a parent of CI recipient to "get" it... I'm
just saying, from the depths of her heart strings, she gets it.
At the ripe age of 26, I'm discovering that I have to identify with much more in life than just being a parent. I need to go on dates with my husband, vacations with my family and outings with my girlfriends. I'm so much better of a mom when I am balanced. And guess what?? I don't feel the least bit bad that I NEED/CRAVE more!! I believe this is how God has designed me. I am embracing it.
I struggle to stay home entirely. I have stuffitis/Iwanteverythingitis. I do, really. I want anything and everything. I'm like a young child during Christmas. If there is a commercial, I want it. I think its been really great for me to make a plan and learn to save and then get what I want. It's also been very good for me to learn to tell myself "No Renae, not right now". My 'condition' has led me to the conclusion that I want to work a little bit. AHHHHHH...... I know what your thinking!!! Work?
Renae, you have 5, count them FIVE young (very young) CHILDREN!!!! Its true, I do. I am not
going to work full time, but I am going to work a couple short days when it works good for me and for my family. Honestly, I want to get out a little bit. I want it to count that I still manage to shower everyday. I want to change out of my spit up on t-shirt and go out into the world :). I'm looking forward to it! I am so thankful to have Matt supportive and willing to watch the family for a few hours and for the help of my mom and brothers in town. While I REALLY miss working for Matt (and I will hopefully get back there someday) I do enjoy working with my sister, in town at McDonalds.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to have lunch at the Olive Garden with Matt. I absolutely needed to make a trip to quickly pick up Aubrees hearing aids. It was just me, Matt and the twins. Pretty close to a date! It was last minute and I was going to go by myself quick, but Matt came with so I wouldn't run into any sticky traveling situations with the twins. Everything at Olive garden was going great. The girls were good, all happy with smiles. Everyone was admiring them and we entertained all the conversations. We finished our salad and waited. The girls' patience wore thinner and an hour passed. No entree was delivered to our table. With both girls fussing, I decided to head to the car to nurse. Our server approached our table as I was packing up and apologized as she had forgotten to put our order in... She proceeded to tell us that she just had a deaf customer that she was accommodating and was trying to get them out of there, so our order slipped her mind. Matt and I smiled and asked if she could just put it all in to go boxes. Ugh.. What an ugly situation. The worst part in our minds is we saw this "deaf" customer. He wore bilateral hearing aids and required no special attention. His method of communication was spoken language, his date spoke at a normal tone, his speech was perfect. Maybe she was just fishing for an excuse since she forgot our order... But she picked the wrong one for the Steffens. Matt nor I said anything to her. We just smiled in the way that all of you can imagine us smiling and thanked her. The manager apologized for the delay and our meal was free, packed in the bag for us to take along with us. Matt tipped her, and I'm not regretting that. What I regret is that I wish I would have been able to give her a life tip. Don't make excuses, maybe? Or, you never know a strangers situation, be sensitive, honest, caring... Not ignorant? Unfortunately, that is what my kids face almost daily. Luckily, in our community they don't get too many stares or pointed fingers. It's small enough here where we are pretty well known. We don't know everyone by any means, but you can pretty well bet that if they don't know us, they have heard about us. Hopefully it's mostly good things that get said, but you can just tell. Not that I feel like we're celebrities, or that people need to know us. It's just that people talk. There is probably a similar feeling for a pastors family. If your husband is a pastor, people know/talk about you in association to him.
I'm not sure what I was supposed to learn from yesterday's adventure, yet. Sometimes I am a slow learner. However, I was definitely reminded that I need to work very hard to raise confident yet humble, and strong yet forgiving young boys and girls. No pressure.
I want to end on a bright note. A vErY bright note. My stubborn sleeper *cough cough* Miss Bay, slept through the night last night. I feel HUMAN!! Aubree has been a pretty great sleeper, for the most part. She was up once at 2 (Matt got her, love that man of mine!) then they both slept til 5:30-6 and Matt STILL let me sleep!!! For the first time in 4.5 months, I slept 8+ Straight hours and woke up on my own!!!!! Can you hear me singing? Cuz I am, for real! My girls are napping now, and I even got more rest this a.m. Sleep is a beautiful, beautiful thing :)
