It's a bright white Monday afternoon, and apparently there is an ugly three letter word anticipated for tomorrow. ICE. Ice storms are on my top 5 list of ugly anxieties. Especially since my husband travels three hours a day for work. Ick. Just plain old pewwww......
I was plugging away on little details of my house, working on cleaning up the dust bunnies in all the corners and washing away all the food (and unknown.. sick, I know) residue that I find on random walls. Monday is my day to clean all the boogies off the furniture, which is the one house chore that I happen to applaud myself on. I decided to abort mission: make this house look like no one lives here. I got a call from "Dave" the producer of a video for a Mayo clinic video that is in the making. They have asked me to participate, sharing our CI journey with new families that might be considering cochlear implants as an option. In our home.... eekk!!! However, Dave called to tell me that with anticipation of an ice storm, he didn't think it would be in his best interest for him and a camera crew to be travelling. With great relief, I thanked him for being proactive. We are now rescheduled for 9 a.m. on Jan 26th. Goodie :) thats about 17 more days to stew on this whole process!! :)
GASP.... when did my experiences become worthy of a camera crew?? Yeesshh, I am feeling the pressure to make my home look like someone else lives here. Someone who washes their drapes once a month, keeps their windows clean, has no clutter on their counters. Who am I kidding, I am feeling the overwhelming need to not use my kitchen because kitchen = mess, This morning, Baylee asked if she could play with playdoh. I made a big eyed frownie face and in a deep british style voice I said "Playdoh, have you gone mad??" She said with a wrinkled nose "huh, I am not mad. I am happy!" Sooo.... I'm a sucker and I let them play with the playdoh. After all, a family does live here. Two 3 year olds, a 5 year old, 6 year old and a 9 year old. From where I am sitting, this house is a dag blam castle with some sort of wizard like butler and maid service. I have to pump myself up sometimes, it's the only way to get to the top of the steps :)
In recent news........... its 2017. Hokey petes, its a brand new year. I have a little girl who is going to turn 7 in ten days. Yeah, so that is about to happen. I need to fill up my schedule with some audiology check ups for my five, I keep getting a pesky email from the kids' dentist that it is time to schedule their cleanings and shame, shame, shame on me.... I've promised my husband that I will call and set up my own doctors appointment. ***lowers head as she admits she hasn't seen the doc since she had the twins. More than three years ago.... Eeek.
Well, you see. Sometimes you just don't have time to take care of yourself. Okay, not true. Sometimes, you just don't take the time that you deserve to take care of yourself. It's a lot to manage my kids and their schedule. I have to call in favors often. If I want to have lunch with my kindergarten boy, I need to call in support staff. When I want to get my hair "did", I have to count on support staff or thank my lucky stars that she will do what it takes to make it work for me, sometimes. I feel like I call in all my favors just to stay afloat on the things that I want to do, let alone the things that I NEED to do. I am making a promise to myself, this year is going to be the year that I swallow my pride. 2017 is going to be a year that I stretch myself to grow.
When the camera crew shows up to my house, it will still be my home. I will not feng shui my furniture, and you will be able to tell that people live here. I will ask for help when I need it, I will offer to help often. I'm about to make those calls to schedule appointments, because this new me doesn't really want to keep letting "things" loom over my head. It's ridiculous the amount of power I give people, ideas and things. I analyze every little everything!!!! It is exhausting.
After mega and mucho talks with my husband, this needs to be the time, as in -- right now... that we heal spiritually. We've been struggling to find a church home that feels right, bouncing between the long to have loyalty to a place that we once knew and very much loved and someplace different that could (if we gave it the opportunity) fill up our tanks with much goodness and most importantly the Word. I'm encouraged to have a couple of girlfriends that are talking about doing a bible study, because oh my sweet baby Jesus, you know that this is what I NEED.
On a different note, I am headed to a 6 night vacation to the Dominican Republic. I seriously cannot wait to see the sandy beaches and feel WARM sunshine. Matt has a countdown on his phone, to the hour. Just a few short weeks....
In the meantime, I'm trying to keep the family focus. Spelling words, song singing, book reading, accelerated reader goals, motor skills, direction following and just plain old listening. Each of my kids has one thing or another that were working on right now. All of my little pride and joys, with their strengths and their weaknesses. Stretching myself to grow in this area means sitting on the strengths a little longer and not dwelling on the weaknesses til it brings me to tears.
Thank goodness for all of the cheerleaders and support that I have been blessed with.
If you are reading this, you can be sure.. I am thankful for you!
