For starters, week 28 of the Steffen Family TWIN pregnancy is underway!! I will refer to it as a "family" pregnancy because.. when mama suffers, everyone suffers ;) Truly, I'm not suffering. However, on almost a daily basis I cry out to my husband, letting him know that my body is not happy with me! I've heard from several people that I don't look like I'm having twins, and thank you for that :) I happen to feel like an apartment complex as opposed to a single story HOUSE -- which is how I felt with all three prior pregnancies. According to my last Dr. appointment, which was two weeks ago, I was indeed measuring 38 weeks PG and that happens to be what I measured when I delivered my last two children!!! How is that for alarming?? It has been encouraging that I have not yet gained too much weight, yet the twins are growing quite well -- above the 50th percentile as compared to singletons. Sometimes I read pregnancy blogs (ok, so ALL the time is what I should be admitting to) and it really helps me to feel "normal". Whatever that is! My favorite knee slapper was just the other night when I was feeling completely out of shape and envious of my family members. I watch my kids skip effortlessly up our 13 steps to our 2nd level in our home. Yes, I've counted on numerous occasions and 13 is a LOT of steps right now!! My husband even skips a step as he conquers his way up. I, on the other hand, almost need a halftime break when I get to step 7. At that point I look back down and think to myself, is this really worth it?? Them I mumble under my breath something to the likes of "I better not forget to get whatever it is that I'm coming up here for" ;). Go ahead, have a good laugh with me about this one. Admittedly, I am so scatterbrained -- so back to my story about the pregnancy blogs. One lady wrote about her 28th week of pregnancy and was talking about her fatigue. She mentioned how she has always enjoyed taking her dog out for walks and how it was a good way for her to get some exercise and how she enjoyed staying physically active. Of course she enjoyed it until.. dah dah dahhhhh the 28th week of twin pregnancy. This week, she started out on her regular walk and called her husband to pick her and the dog up while they were on their walk. The best part about this story was that she was only halfway around the block :). I know everyone handles pregnancy a little different, but for me, that story is what I needed to hear!
Noah started 1st grade a week ago, and Kendra started her first full year of "3 year old" pre-school! They both were REALLY excited to go to school, they love it! I really enjoy both of there teachers. Yesterday, Matt and I brought Noah to an audiologist appointment in Fairmont. Usually we go to Mankato, but our audiologist was filling in for her dad in Fairmont and since its a closer drive for us, she let us have his follow up appointment for his new hearing aid there. Lets just say it stirred up some old emotions for me.
I'm about to go waaayyy back, and honestly as poor as my memory has been lately, I can't believe this is coming back so clear to me. When Noah was born, he did not pass his birth hearing screening. The nurses assured us that the technology was newer and we would just have to go somewhere else to have it further evaluated. We were not worried. When Noah was 7 days old, we packed up our car and traveled from St. James to Sioux Falls to see who we were referred to. We made lunch plans with Matts younger brother Jared, we were going to meet him at I-hop after we took care of this silly hearing thingy that they were making us do. I wasn't in the least prepared for that day. All we found out at that appointment was that yes, Noah did have a problem hearing, but the degree to the problem was not what they specialized in.. we needed to see someone else to know just WHAT he could hear. I sat in the back seat of the car with my sweet, little, chunky almost 10 pound, week old Noah. My husband drove and I threw my hands over my eyes and cried. What would this mean for us?? What would this mean for Noah? Why? Matt watched me from the rear view mirror, with just a couple of tears and said "It's going to be ok, babe". I felt sick and mad and sad. I was so bitter, and couldn't understand why? What did I do wrong?? I wiped my tears and went to lunch at I-hop.
I wasn't really sure where to go from there, and didn't really feel directed. So I talked to my Dr. and he sent me where he knew best. That lady sent me to a clinic in Fairmont. Noah was about 3 months old when we finally got him to the right place that could tell us how much he was hearing. I pressed on, wanting answers. I met a sweet audiologist in Fairmont, who told me that my sons hearing was just past the point of him being able to help me to the fullest. I asked him where to go to give him the best that could be offered, and where I could find the most information -- and he gave me a couple of names. I asked him if he had a son/daughter, where would he take them? He told me that he would go to his daughter in Mankato -- and we have been there ever since.
Yesterday was like a big time wake up call. It was like, wow... remember all that uncertainty? Matt, who doesn't remember his middle name, recognized the room we went to. It was the same, unchanged room from 6 years ago. And here I am, expecting two new babies in just a couple of months, with that exact same uncertainty. Sometimes people ask me if I think they can hear.. and the truth is, I have NO idea. They are sooo active, that sometimes I play mind tricks on myself. I think, oh my, I wonder if they heard that?? Well of course they are more active, because there are two in there and there has got to be territorial fighting happening. I'm not sure what to think, so I try not to think about it at all. If they can't hear when they come out, I know what to do this time. I know exactly where to go, I know exactly who is going to hold me in the middle of the night when I am crying and can't make sense of it all. Yes, I will be a little bit sad. 1st Peter reminds me that Grief and trials come to us to show that our faith is genuine. This encourages me to honor God, and I try to look to Him for comfort. I'm human, so naturally I worry and get caught up in my emotions. We took Noah to Pizza Ranch (his favorite) before his appointment. Noah sat there, eating all his favorites: Mashed potatoes with corn on it, coleslaw and sausage pizza. He was so innocent, and sweet. He is my little warrior prince, who set the way before his brothers and sisters and will show them that everything will be ok. I chuckled to my husband, "people can't help but try to figure out what is on his head" -- I was referring to his cochlear implant and his hearing aid. He smirked back and told me that he doesn't even notice it anymore. Truthfully, I don't usually pay that much attention either. I'm not sure why I noticed the long glances, and the pointed fingers. I'm not offended, and it doesn't bother me. It used to, but I let that go a LOOOONNNG time ago. I joked to my husband "too bad we don't have the whole gang here so they could see a whole family just like him".
Sometimes my heart is heavier about this situation, and I'm sure THE 28th WEEK OF TWIN PREGNANCY dah dah dahhhhhh...... is not helping me cope with my emotions that well. I guess I just wanted to share a little more of my heart and a little bit about our journey today. The hearing loss in Noah and then Kendra, followed by Miles is what has encouraged me to lean on the Lord. I can't make sense of everything, but through Him all is right. I would NOT be saved if I would not have had my little champs. My journey is a gift, and I hope that I'm sharing it in the right way. :)
1 Peter 4:10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering Gods grace in its various forms.
