2012 is quickly running out, I swear time really flies when you turn into a big kid!! This year has been very rewarding for numerous reasons, and this blog was an excellent opportunity for me to see where I started the year, and reflect now on how I am finising it :)
Last Sunday, I had the great fortune of being able to share "my story" with our church. Pastor called us on the Wednesday before the service he was hoping to have one of us (Matt or I) share something encouraging with the congregation. Matt joked, with the later notice that he must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel when he thought to ask us ;) I laughed with him, but nervously knew that I was the on who should share some insight the following Sunday. I can definitely say that I felt very successful after leaving the stage. I knew that I had captured a few good laughs from my audience and most of all, I knew that in its rugged honesty, I had shared my heart. I shared about the kids and their hearing loss, and how that has made me who I am today. I mentioned the guilt I felt over the fact that they each had a "genetic" hearing loss. Genetic, meaning that they inherited it FROM ME! I told the story about Noahs 6 month well baby checkup, where Noah was wearing his hearing aids. I can remember having anxiety over this appointment, as I knew the doctor would wonder "why is this little guy wearing hearing aids!?" I got some of the best advice that day, and I didn't even know it at the time. My doctor told me that "genetic" was not meant to be a term that placed blame on us as parents. He assured me that this was NOT my fault. Foolishly, I did not take that talk to heart until way later in life. Sharing this story was truly a God thing. I had not written about it in my notes that I had planned to share. To be honest, I started chatting and my notes were no longer of any help past the first minute. After the church service was over, a very sweet lady approached me and we shared some tears. She told me about how she had passed along a gene that gave her daughter some body deformities, and she had only been told one other time that it wasn't her fault -- and that was by her daughter several years ago. She thanked me and as I reached down to hug her she told me how good it was to har that it wasn't her fault, again. I was truly, truly grateful to have been given the opportunity to speak with her.
So there have been many challenges through the years. Five years ago, we had one small child and were talking about this big intense surgery - getting a cochlear implant. That was one of the hardest journeys I have made. Our insurance did not want to give us a pre-authorization for the surgery. I was being told by our audiologist that his hearing was not sufficient for learning speech, and our insurance was telling me that this procedure was not covered. I had to do a lot of research and digging. At one point I can remember the insurance agent I spoke with telling me that "If your child is otherwise healthy, does he really need this cochlear implant? Shouldn't you just be thankful for his other senses?" I cried, and cried and cried some more. It was hard enough for me to make the decision to implant vs. raise Noah as a deaf child. I was torn with emotion between whether or not the surgery and medical intervention would be worth it the way it was. There is nothing wrong with being deaf, and sign language is like an art to me, its beautiful. When it came down to it, the biggest reason Matt and I decided to go with a cochlear implant was convenience for relationships. We wanted everyone to get a chance to KNOW our sweet Noah. We did not want language to be a barrier for him. It has been a lot of work, and I would not say that we took the easy road, I don't even know if there is an easy road. I will say, God is soooo good!! It brings great peace just to know that this is what God intended for us. Hearing therapy, audiology appointments, early home intervention programs, insurance disputes, testifying at the senate (yea, I was on C-Span!) -- all of it, worth it to my core. The reason I say that is simply because I would not be the compassionate woman I am today, without my trials.
I mentioned earlier, that I managed to wrangle a few laughs out of my talk a church. I joked about the undeniably, over-abundant JOY that beams right from the very face of my husband. Its true, he is a happy man!! I love that about him, most of the time. :) Sometimes, I am just down and out. You know, lack of sleep, no nap from kiddos = no mommy break during the day, defeated by a non-potty trained ~even though she very well could be 2 1/2 year old, dryer running and then re-running to make sure the clothes aren't overly wrinkled, dirty dishes in the sink and 1 lb of hamburger sitting out with NO IDEA what to make with it!!!!! AHHHH... c'mon moms, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Well, I firmly believe that my husband was sent to me not only to keep me sane, but also to lead me. He has the most amazing outlook on every situation. He is positive, reassuring, optimistic and most of all he trusts God. Believe me when I say that I love Jesus and am so completely in awe of the love of God and the act of sending his baby boy to die for MY sins.. but there is just something about the way my husband is able to rest easy and know that it is in HIS control, that I long for. In the same sense, I'm extremely grateful to be married to a man with that kind of joy. In reality, he has been through the same bit I have. We have been best friends for 12 years, married for 6 (he would say 6 1/4 ;)) and we have lived a lot of our life with eachother in it. Yet with having the same experiences, he is just sooooo happy!!! Okay, so I didn't want to paint a picture that says I'm not happy, because I am... just maybe not as happy as my hubby would be at 5 am :)
If there is one thing that rings true for my life in 2012, its really the relationships I have built. I am extremely grateful for friend support. My MUMS group has been the BIGGEST blessing for me, and that was actually one of the first places I was given an opportunity to speak about my kids and their uniqueness. I have some long lasting friendships, that stem way back from the 6th grade!!! I know I'm young, but 6th grade means 13+ years for me, over half of my life!! :). When Noah was born, some friendships did not make it.. and I'm still sad about them today. I'm not sure if my life just took a turn that some didn't like, if growing meant too much changing, if having a deaf child at the age of 20 was too much for some to handle? I might question that for years to come. However, I have been soooo blessed with friendships this past couple of years. Ladies, you have listened to me, given me support -- maybe when you didn't even know you were, opened your hearts to me and my family and truly LOVED me. You have read my thoughts and given me praise that has filled my emotional tank and turned on the waterworks. I am forever thankful that God has planted such amazing women in my life!!!! What a blessing for me, to have so many ladies that will pray with me when I need it, answer the phone when I call, randomly send me extremely uplifting texts, cry-- with emotion right along with me when I'm pouring my heart out. Thank you friends, thank you!!!
Wait, wait, wait!! Did I mention we found a home??? Praise God, were moving in the beginning of January. Did I tell you were going on a cruise??? Also in the beginning of January!! Thank you Lord for this amazingly chaotic time!!!! Can't wait!!!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Guilty, no more!
Hearts at home was a success! I received many little "golden nuggets" of useful information! At the top of my list of take-aways was: Stop feeling guilty over things that are not worth the effort it takes to feel guilty, speaking in a soft tone with my children may turn out to be more effective (and if nothing else, will keep my blood pressure down, or so I figure), teach my kids what abundance is -- so that they know what it is to be "treated" rather than expecting the world and that still not being "enough", and last of all on this list (because the list could continue) is to be a GOD fearing woman!! I need to remember that while God is full of grace, He is what He says He is and He does what He says He will do!
So I had a blast this weekend. Lots of laughs, a few tears, and I especially enjoyed building on existing friendships and even meeting a few new friends. What an honor it is to be able to sneak away for a weekend and get the opportunity to "charge my mommy batteries"! My amazing husband has provided sooo many opportunities for me to build meaningful relationships, outside of my home. He is always so encouraging when it comes to letting me spend time away from home, I think because he totally gets what it means to me, to be able to have deep relationships. I'm pretty sheepish and shy when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone, and without his encouragement I would not be as confident as I am today. The friendships that I have been able to build have helped me to be a better mommy and wife. Oh friends, where would I be without your listening ears? My heart just melts to think that I have friends who care about me and will pray for me, listen to me, reach out their arms and hold me through the dark days, even knowing that anyone would read this blog -- truly makes me have to wipe my cheeks/eyes dry with my sleeve just to write these thoughts out. This past couple of years, I have learned what it is like to KNOW you are loved. I don't doubt that people have enjoyed my company and loved me before, I just never felt worthy, so I think I just never really accepted that. I now feel like I belong!!! Confidence is magical :) There are times when I feel unworthy, still. I'm pretty sure that my prayers chase those yucky feelings away.
I grew up in a pretty large family, I have one sister and 3 brothers. My oldest brother is 5 years older than me, my sister who is the third born child is 5 years younger than me. I bet it was kind of neat for my mom to have only one child at home at a time :) It is crazy how it works out, because five years after my sister was born, I had another brother! Then, a couple years later we were blessed with another baby boy. The age of my siblings stretches from 30 years old to 12 years old! My parents maybe had it more figure out than I did, having the 5 year stretches in-between! At the same time, I think my family was meant to be the way we are. Miles and Kendra were meant to be close buds, and I think Kendra will always find comfort knowing her little brother is not far behind her. I'm worried for Kendra, because I see myself in her so, so very much. Sassiness and all, I will admit she is my spitten image. It makes me emotional when I think of the things Noah is going through at school, and the situations he has had to work through, when I know that those days are approaching for Kendra. How can I encourage Kendra at this young age, to find a confidence in herself that I did not find until just years ago?? I know I can't sit around and worry about it, but its really hard to work through the emotions -- knowing that she is going to be faced with hardships from her peers. That is where Miles comes in :) He is going to be her bud, someone who will always have her back. A girl really, really needs that kind of love. The kind that says "I don't care what you look like, your baggage, your strengths or weaknesses. I just love who you are, all that you are". Praise God that I have found sisters in Christ to help me to learn that I am valued.
Connexin 26: the reason that my kids have to work so hard for language -- or the mutated genes that Matt and I have passed on during conception of each of them, causing their deafness. Ok, that used to be the way I defined what "caused" there hearing loss. This gene mutation made me feel guilty, almost daily. I felt that it placed blame on me, that I was the reason they had to WORK SO HARD, and would struggle with relationships, school, hearing and confidence. My conference I just attended urged me to LET IT GO!! I did not make this decision, God did! I chose to have children, God chose these children for me. Whew.. what a beautiful relief off my heart.
Connexin 26: the blessing of my spouse and I, both carrying a mutated "hearing" gene that we passed off during conception, which allowed us to grow in our faith and parent three beautiful children - Miles Allen, Kendra Louise and Noah Dominic Matthew. I do not feel GUILTY about bringing them into my life :)
My second "golden nugget" mentioned above, was speaking in a soft tone :) Oh boy, I am going to have to do some trial and error on this one! Sometimes, we just have to speak louder to our kids haha. Yesterday, I was trying to politely ask Noah to take his feet off his sister (oh yea, they ALREADY cannot handle touching eachother). So I say in my "soft" voice, Noah, please take your feet off your sister. Noah looks at me and says, "what?? your gonna have to talk louder than that if your talking to me". I couldn't help but laugh, because he was smiling when he said it and while he has a very convincing 'I can't hear you' attitude, this time I really think he couldn't hear me! I just chuckled about it and said it a little bit louder "Sorry Noah, but I asked you to please take your feet off your sister". He looked at me, raised his eyebrow a little and said "Ok". Really??? That easy, ummm ok! I think the hardest part of this is to take the time to breathe and REALLY think about what I'm going to say to get them to respond nicely to me.
Last, I want to talk about teaching my kids when enough is ENOUGH! With Christmas time coming, I really think this will be a great learning opportunity. Overall, I would like to think that my kids are pretty grateful. Our workshop at the conference was extremely helpful. There will be many tips that I will put into practice. A few good ones were: Just because you get to go to the movie theater, doesn't mean you have to have popcorn, pop, gummy bears etc etc etc! Be thankful that you get to go, and every once in a while "treat" the kids to the extras! Just because there is a gum ball machine, claw (the kind you put several $$'s in for the cheap stuffed animals) or another kind of sticker machine etc.. doesn't mean that you have to put your money in. One of my favorite tips was do NOT go shopping just because your child has earned $10 or however much money. Wait until they KNOW what they want, so we don't teach them aimless shopping. We should be teaching them to shop with a plan, not to find emotional satisfaction from shopping.
Once again, what a great weekend. Mark your calendars to attend the "Hearts at Home" conference next November. It will challenge you in an amazing way. And thank you, for taking your time to "hug" me and make me feel loved :) Each time I see that someone has taken an interest in my writing, its like I've been hugged. What a blessing to have such support in my life!!!
So I had a blast this weekend. Lots of laughs, a few tears, and I especially enjoyed building on existing friendships and even meeting a few new friends. What an honor it is to be able to sneak away for a weekend and get the opportunity to "charge my mommy batteries"! My amazing husband has provided sooo many opportunities for me to build meaningful relationships, outside of my home. He is always so encouraging when it comes to letting me spend time away from home, I think because he totally gets what it means to me, to be able to have deep relationships. I'm pretty sheepish and shy when it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone, and without his encouragement I would not be as confident as I am today. The friendships that I have been able to build have helped me to be a better mommy and wife. Oh friends, where would I be without your listening ears? My heart just melts to think that I have friends who care about me and will pray for me, listen to me, reach out their arms and hold me through the dark days, even knowing that anyone would read this blog -- truly makes me have to wipe my cheeks/eyes dry with my sleeve just to write these thoughts out. This past couple of years, I have learned what it is like to KNOW you are loved. I don't doubt that people have enjoyed my company and loved me before, I just never felt worthy, so I think I just never really accepted that. I now feel like I belong!!! Confidence is magical :) There are times when I feel unworthy, still. I'm pretty sure that my prayers chase those yucky feelings away.
I grew up in a pretty large family, I have one sister and 3 brothers. My oldest brother is 5 years older than me, my sister who is the third born child is 5 years younger than me. I bet it was kind of neat for my mom to have only one child at home at a time :) It is crazy how it works out, because five years after my sister was born, I had another brother! Then, a couple years later we were blessed with another baby boy. The age of my siblings stretches from 30 years old to 12 years old! My parents maybe had it more figure out than I did, having the 5 year stretches in-between! At the same time, I think my family was meant to be the way we are. Miles and Kendra were meant to be close buds, and I think Kendra will always find comfort knowing her little brother is not far behind her. I'm worried for Kendra, because I see myself in her so, so very much. Sassiness and all, I will admit she is my spitten image. It makes me emotional when I think of the things Noah is going through at school, and the situations he has had to work through, when I know that those days are approaching for Kendra. How can I encourage Kendra at this young age, to find a confidence in herself that I did not find until just years ago?? I know I can't sit around and worry about it, but its really hard to work through the emotions -- knowing that she is going to be faced with hardships from her peers. That is where Miles comes in :) He is going to be her bud, someone who will always have her back. A girl really, really needs that kind of love. The kind that says "I don't care what you look like, your baggage, your strengths or weaknesses. I just love who you are, all that you are". Praise God that I have found sisters in Christ to help me to learn that I am valued.
Connexin 26: the reason that my kids have to work so hard for language -- or the mutated genes that Matt and I have passed on during conception of each of them, causing their deafness. Ok, that used to be the way I defined what "caused" there hearing loss. This gene mutation made me feel guilty, almost daily. I felt that it placed blame on me, that I was the reason they had to WORK SO HARD, and would struggle with relationships, school, hearing and confidence. My conference I just attended urged me to LET IT GO!! I did not make this decision, God did! I chose to have children, God chose these children for me. Whew.. what a beautiful relief off my heart.
Connexin 26: the blessing of my spouse and I, both carrying a mutated "hearing" gene that we passed off during conception, which allowed us to grow in our faith and parent three beautiful children - Miles Allen, Kendra Louise and Noah Dominic Matthew. I do not feel GUILTY about bringing them into my life :)
My second "golden nugget" mentioned above, was speaking in a soft tone :) Oh boy, I am going to have to do some trial and error on this one! Sometimes, we just have to speak louder to our kids haha. Yesterday, I was trying to politely ask Noah to take his feet off his sister (oh yea, they ALREADY cannot handle touching eachother). So I say in my "soft" voice, Noah, please take your feet off your sister. Noah looks at me and says, "what?? your gonna have to talk louder than that if your talking to me". I couldn't help but laugh, because he was smiling when he said it and while he has a very convincing 'I can't hear you' attitude, this time I really think he couldn't hear me! I just chuckled about it and said it a little bit louder "Sorry Noah, but I asked you to please take your feet off your sister". He looked at me, raised his eyebrow a little and said "Ok". Really??? That easy, ummm ok! I think the hardest part of this is to take the time to breathe and REALLY think about what I'm going to say to get them to respond nicely to me.
Last, I want to talk about teaching my kids when enough is ENOUGH! With Christmas time coming, I really think this will be a great learning opportunity. Overall, I would like to think that my kids are pretty grateful. Our workshop at the conference was extremely helpful. There will be many tips that I will put into practice. A few good ones were: Just because you get to go to the movie theater, doesn't mean you have to have popcorn, pop, gummy bears etc etc etc! Be thankful that you get to go, and every once in a while "treat" the kids to the extras! Just because there is a gum ball machine, claw (the kind you put several $$'s in for the cheap stuffed animals) or another kind of sticker machine etc.. doesn't mean that you have to put your money in. One of my favorite tips was do NOT go shopping just because your child has earned $10 or however much money. Wait until they KNOW what they want, so we don't teach them aimless shopping. We should be teaching them to shop with a plan, not to find emotional satisfaction from shopping.
Once again, what a great weekend. Mark your calendars to attend the "Hearts at Home" conference next November. It will challenge you in an amazing way. And thank you, for taking your time to "hug" me and make me feel loved :) Each time I see that someone has taken an interest in my writing, its like I've been hugged. What a blessing to have such support in my life!!!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
BZZZ....
I hear a constant buzz in my ear, and I'm blaming it on Miles' hearing aids! That little bugger gets the biggest kick out of the reaction and attention he gets from pulling his hearing aids out. However, he has gotten SO MUCH BETTER about handing his hearing aids over to either his sister (who I tend to refer to as Mommy #2, for obvious reasons) or myself. What a blessing, I have been praying for less time spent in search of hearing equipment and that prayer has so VERY clearly been met. He is talking, singing, verbally expressing his love for me -- that's right! I taught him how to say 'I LOVE YOOOOUUU!' and point right at me :) Hey, sometimes you just need a self-esteem boost, what better way than teaching a 20 month old to randomly approach you with that 3 word sentence :) Our family is full of word counters. You'll often find me counting with my fingers 1-2-3-4-5, after Kendra or Miles says something. I celebrate those small successes, and look forward to the next time I can feel so accomplished! I often think, what in the world would our life look like if language wasn't so important? What would we spend our time on? If I didn't have to be so MINDFUL and INTENTIONAL and GOAL DRIVEN-- it just wouldn't be me, I don't think. Not that those are necessarily bad qualities to have, but sometimes I feel like this way of life (parenting 3 Deaf or hard of hearing children) has really stretched me. Sometimes it makes me a better person, and sometimes I am a ticking time bomb!! Its really a good thing that I have found faith through this process. I'm so thankful that I can be confident that this life is mine for HIS PURPOSE!!
Kendra is going to be starting in a pre-school program in January, after she turns 3. We have been having extra home therapy since they have been evaluating her strengths and opportunities. For me, its been feeling like its either Pass/Fail -- Pass, if they feel she is prepared and Fail, if the tests determine that she is socially behind or unable to keep up with kids her age. It has been weighing heavy on my heart, and unfortunately it won't be as clear as pass/fail. It seems that it doesn't matter how much reassuring her teachers give me, I'm still on edge that whatever we are doing is just not enough. I absolutely MUST share though, this past Sunday at church during praise in worship she was just a-singing away! I will never forget being told that my kids would more than likely never enjoy music. Defying the odds, all 3 of my kids are music junkys.. and on Sunday, I learned that Kendra can carry a tune :) She just kept singing the same 3 words "follow yoooouu, yea. Follow yooou, yea yea". This weekend was a milestone for us! We attended a church luncheon, with pretty great success!! There was only one spilled glass of water, and we made it out of there with 3 full kids and a Mom and Dad that had at least gotten a few bites each. Wooohoooo, were making progress!! Life is almost getting too easy :) We can't let that go on for too long. And no, that is not an announcement :)
Noah had somewhat of a rough week at school. He was having some bus bully issues, where a young boy was taking his hearing aids off him and shaking his head back and forth to see his CI magnet come loose off of his head. Matt took care of it, talking to the teacher and making the bus driver more aware. I'm just thankful that Noah was able to tell us about the situation. He didn't seem overly bothered by the boy, just annoyed at the lapse in hearing, while his CI was off. The situation made me feel so sad, way more sad than Noah. He has a personality that is just so forgiving and easy going. I pray he never loses his bright smile and sweet sense of humor. He got that from his Daddy, they are both so full of joy.
Update on living at my moms house. Its been going pretty great!! I have kitchen duty on Tuesday (I know, how am I ever going to want to leave if I only have to clean the kitchen one day) and I cook a few suppers a week. We meal plan (and might I just say we have ALL saved mega $$$$$) and shop very intentionally. I have really appreciated being around my little brothers. My youngest brother Dylin has been coming to our youth group and has REALLY enjoyed it! I've been thankful to my husband, since he has done SUCH an awesome job helping my little brothers with homework, being an example, leader and friend to them. He recently helped Dylin through a gun safety curriculum online. I just know that my brothers are missing out on that father figure, since my dad passed. I know I miss it terribly. I'm thankful for a big brother that will always be there for me, even if his sense of humor is one that I may never get ;) I know my sister Ashley has grown so much, into an impressive and successful young lady. She often talks about my dad, and her more fond memories of him. He would be very proud of her, and would have enjoyed seeing her blossom. Sometimes it is tough having my brother live further away from us. My sisters headlight is out on her car, which is something that my Dad would have LOVED to tinker with and fix. She is so blessed to have the relationship with my brother that she does. He steps right in and always tries to help with whatever he can. One day he will walk our beautiful sister down the aisle -- just like my dad did for me when I married Matt. He will get to the steps at the church and when the pastor says "Who gives this women to marry this man" my brother will say her "ma" and I, just like my dad did :) -- My mom is my "ma". Anyways, just been doing a lot of reminiscing since moving back into my childhood home. My dads birthday is in November, the holidays just aren't the same without him here, and I have not lived in this home since my dad was here with me. It's been a little emotional at times, thinking of all the memories I have here. However, I'm so appreciative that I can still picture some really great times, with him here with us.
I am super-duper pumped for this weekend!!! I am going to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester with an AMAZING group of ladies!!!! I read the e-mail that said there will be a package complete with tissue and chocolate -- sounds like my kind of weekend!! :) Can't wait to be challenged and grow!
Kendra is going to be starting in a pre-school program in January, after she turns 3. We have been having extra home therapy since they have been evaluating her strengths and opportunities. For me, its been feeling like its either Pass/Fail -- Pass, if they feel she is prepared and Fail, if the tests determine that she is socially behind or unable to keep up with kids her age. It has been weighing heavy on my heart, and unfortunately it won't be as clear as pass/fail. It seems that it doesn't matter how much reassuring her teachers give me, I'm still on edge that whatever we are doing is just not enough. I absolutely MUST share though, this past Sunday at church during praise in worship she was just a-singing away! I will never forget being told that my kids would more than likely never enjoy music. Defying the odds, all 3 of my kids are music junkys.. and on Sunday, I learned that Kendra can carry a tune :) She just kept singing the same 3 words "follow yoooouu, yea. Follow yooou, yea yea". This weekend was a milestone for us! We attended a church luncheon, with pretty great success!! There was only one spilled glass of water, and we made it out of there with 3 full kids and a Mom and Dad that had at least gotten a few bites each. Wooohoooo, were making progress!! Life is almost getting too easy :) We can't let that go on for too long. And no, that is not an announcement :)
Noah had somewhat of a rough week at school. He was having some bus bully issues, where a young boy was taking his hearing aids off him and shaking his head back and forth to see his CI magnet come loose off of his head. Matt took care of it, talking to the teacher and making the bus driver more aware. I'm just thankful that Noah was able to tell us about the situation. He didn't seem overly bothered by the boy, just annoyed at the lapse in hearing, while his CI was off. The situation made me feel so sad, way more sad than Noah. He has a personality that is just so forgiving and easy going. I pray he never loses his bright smile and sweet sense of humor. He got that from his Daddy, they are both so full of joy.
Update on living at my moms house. Its been going pretty great!! I have kitchen duty on Tuesday (I know, how am I ever going to want to leave if I only have to clean the kitchen one day) and I cook a few suppers a week. We meal plan (and might I just say we have ALL saved mega $$$$$) and shop very intentionally. I have really appreciated being around my little brothers. My youngest brother Dylin has been coming to our youth group and has REALLY enjoyed it! I've been thankful to my husband, since he has done SUCH an awesome job helping my little brothers with homework, being an example, leader and friend to them. He recently helped Dylin through a gun safety curriculum online. I just know that my brothers are missing out on that father figure, since my dad passed. I know I miss it terribly. I'm thankful for a big brother that will always be there for me, even if his sense of humor is one that I may never get ;) I know my sister Ashley has grown so much, into an impressive and successful young lady. She often talks about my dad, and her more fond memories of him. He would be very proud of her, and would have enjoyed seeing her blossom. Sometimes it is tough having my brother live further away from us. My sisters headlight is out on her car, which is something that my Dad would have LOVED to tinker with and fix. She is so blessed to have the relationship with my brother that she does. He steps right in and always tries to help with whatever he can. One day he will walk our beautiful sister down the aisle -- just like my dad did for me when I married Matt. He will get to the steps at the church and when the pastor says "Who gives this women to marry this man" my brother will say her "ma" and I, just like my dad did :) -- My mom is my "ma". Anyways, just been doing a lot of reminiscing since moving back into my childhood home. My dads birthday is in November, the holidays just aren't the same without him here, and I have not lived in this home since my dad was here with me. It's been a little emotional at times, thinking of all the memories I have here. However, I'm so appreciative that I can still picture some really great times, with him here with us.
I am super-duper pumped for this weekend!!! I am going to the Hearts at Home conference in Rochester with an AMAZING group of ladies!!!! I read the e-mail that said there will be a package complete with tissue and chocolate -- sounds like my kind of weekend!! :) Can't wait to be challenged and grow!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Unedited and possibly emotional..
Sometimes life in general is just overwhelming!! I feel like I have been doing a LOT of running around for the kids lately. Kendra has been visiting her Language therapist in Mankato every other week (speaking of which, thats what I will be doing tomorrow if anyone wants to tag along and get some shopping done!!! ;)). I cannot even explain how amazing she has done, it literally makes me tear up when I think of how far she has come. I would say within the last 3 months she has broken down some MAJOR walls. Her attitude has been spunky and fun when it comes to learning language as opposed to defensive and ornery (not sure if I spelled that right!!) She has expanded her sentences from 2-3 words all the way up to 5 and 6 word sentences!!! Hallelujah!! Honestly, I have always tried to keep a positive outlook on things when it comes to having patience with the kids and their language skills.. but this girl WORE ME DOWN!! hahahha.. But it has been an absolute joy to know that we've made it to this phase, back talking and all -- atleast she is talking :)
Miles had an audiogram last Wed (to determine what his level of hearing loss was, were making sure that the previous tests were accurate and that his hearing is not getting worse). The audiologist was very impressed with his listening skills. He was very attentive and he almost stayed put in the sound booth for his entire appointment!! (I think the 2 hr listening test is a bit much for 20 month old.. not even sure I could handle that). It was encouraging to know that his hearing has not gotten worse. Miles is our only child without a Cochlear Implant. He is still learning to love his hearing aids, but his hearing is much, much, MUCH better than Kendra and Noah. I was sooo happy to spend the day last Wednesday with Miles and even Matt got to take the day off and help out with our LONG appointment. Extra distractions are blessings when it comes to these kinds of appointments. It helps that we love our audiologist. She is so down to earth and encouraging! Everytime I leave from an appointment with her, I feel accomplished. She always tells me how great we are doing and how much joy she has just in seeing us. It always just makes my day!
Noah, Noah, Bo-boah.. thats what he would say :) He is constantly rhyming lately, must be a school thing! This boy is just doing amazing in school!!! The best part about it is he absolutely LOVES it! We had parent-teacher conferences not long ago and his Kindergarten teacher melted my heart!! She talked about how his social skills are rapidly developing and she mentioned his smile :) You know what smile I'm talking about if you know Noah :) He was above average in several areas tested and just where he was expected to be in others -- which was a HUGE relief to Matt and as parents! We wrestled with the idea of having Noah wait a year for school, but it seems as though we have made the right decision! Noah has also been thriving in AWANA. He loves to study his SPARKYS book :). Noahs leaders have also made my day, more than once, by letting me know how well behaved he is during hand book time. We coach Noah to; stand up tall, speak clearly and loud enough for your leader to hear you when your saying your memory verses!! His memory is excellent and I really think the program has done SOOOO VERY MUCH for our whole family. Awana has encouraged Noah to memorize, speak clearly, speak in front of a crowd, tune out the background noise and most importantly.. learn about God. Noah has worked on his verses with my brothers, my mom, my sister, myself and his dad.. and the little pieces he has to memorize are catchy, were all winning!!
So maybe the biggest thing that has happened to us recently is our move! We have moved into my moms house until we find a house we want to purchase. A good majority of our posessions are locked away in storage and the rest of our stuff is with us at my moms. Thankfully, my mom has enough space for us. We are taking our sweet, selective time buying a house -- though we were VERY close once, until a home inspection scared us haha. I guess being VERY sure is a priority after selling our last house took us more than 2 years :(. This time with my family is sure to be a blessing :) We have the opportunity to save, save, SAVE even more $$ to purchase the perfect house for us. Mentioning it in a blog is a bit of a bombshell, but there you have it! I have moved back to my moms, and it feels right :).
Recently, I have been in contact with some new deaf and hard of hearing families. My heart is aching for some different reasons, but if you could kindly pray for peace in the hearts of these families. Its a hard place to be in. I remember Noah being sooo tiny, just 3 months old with his first set of hearing aids. The hearing aids he had seem humongous compared to his little ears and head. We joked that they were a compliment to his chubby cheeks :). There was a lot of insecurity in my heart at that time. I felt let down by the circumstances and unsure of my capabilities to overcome the obstacles before me. Noah was always a smily baby, he still flashes the same smile today. I couldn't help but just absolutely love him. I was hurt when people would look at him and stare, not at his beautiful smile, but at his hearing aids. My kids wear their differences right on their heads! You can't hide it, they are different. When I was talking to a mom last week, my heart grew raw with emotion and I cried right along with her. I felt like such a failure, that I was not encouraging her. Later, she e-mailed me and told me that she had the best conversation with me and felt validated in her fears but encouraged by my story. I thought to myself, how did my blubbery mess encourage her?? I had beat myself up over not being the bright and bubbly happy side of hearing loss. The truth really, was that she did not want to be alone in her imperfect world.. and I gave light to the fact that she was not alone. It's important to ask for help when you need it and shed a tear instead of shield it. I'm still learning that lesson! I encouraged this mom to call/email/text whenever she needed to talk or wanted someone to pray for her.. which is something that I cannot even train myself to do!!! I'm a work in progress :)
Miles had an audiogram last Wed (to determine what his level of hearing loss was, were making sure that the previous tests were accurate and that his hearing is not getting worse). The audiologist was very impressed with his listening skills. He was very attentive and he almost stayed put in the sound booth for his entire appointment!! (I think the 2 hr listening test is a bit much for 20 month old.. not even sure I could handle that). It was encouraging to know that his hearing has not gotten worse. Miles is our only child without a Cochlear Implant. He is still learning to love his hearing aids, but his hearing is much, much, MUCH better than Kendra and Noah. I was sooo happy to spend the day last Wednesday with Miles and even Matt got to take the day off and help out with our LONG appointment. Extra distractions are blessings when it comes to these kinds of appointments. It helps that we love our audiologist. She is so down to earth and encouraging! Everytime I leave from an appointment with her, I feel accomplished. She always tells me how great we are doing and how much joy she has just in seeing us. It always just makes my day!
Noah, Noah, Bo-boah.. thats what he would say :) He is constantly rhyming lately, must be a school thing! This boy is just doing amazing in school!!! The best part about it is he absolutely LOVES it! We had parent-teacher conferences not long ago and his Kindergarten teacher melted my heart!! She talked about how his social skills are rapidly developing and she mentioned his smile :) You know what smile I'm talking about if you know Noah :) He was above average in several areas tested and just where he was expected to be in others -- which was a HUGE relief to Matt and as parents! We wrestled with the idea of having Noah wait a year for school, but it seems as though we have made the right decision! Noah has also been thriving in AWANA. He loves to study his SPARKYS book :). Noahs leaders have also made my day, more than once, by letting me know how well behaved he is during hand book time. We coach Noah to; stand up tall, speak clearly and loud enough for your leader to hear you when your saying your memory verses!! His memory is excellent and I really think the program has done SOOOO VERY MUCH for our whole family. Awana has encouraged Noah to memorize, speak clearly, speak in front of a crowd, tune out the background noise and most importantly.. learn about God. Noah has worked on his verses with my brothers, my mom, my sister, myself and his dad.. and the little pieces he has to memorize are catchy, were all winning!!
So maybe the biggest thing that has happened to us recently is our move! We have moved into my moms house until we find a house we want to purchase. A good majority of our posessions are locked away in storage and the rest of our stuff is with us at my moms. Thankfully, my mom has enough space for us. We are taking our sweet, selective time buying a house -- though we were VERY close once, until a home inspection scared us haha. I guess being VERY sure is a priority after selling our last house took us more than 2 years :(. This time with my family is sure to be a blessing :) We have the opportunity to save, save, SAVE even more $$ to purchase the perfect house for us. Mentioning it in a blog is a bit of a bombshell, but there you have it! I have moved back to my moms, and it feels right :).
Recently, I have been in contact with some new deaf and hard of hearing families. My heart is aching for some different reasons, but if you could kindly pray for peace in the hearts of these families. Its a hard place to be in. I remember Noah being sooo tiny, just 3 months old with his first set of hearing aids. The hearing aids he had seem humongous compared to his little ears and head. We joked that they were a compliment to his chubby cheeks :). There was a lot of insecurity in my heart at that time. I felt let down by the circumstances and unsure of my capabilities to overcome the obstacles before me. Noah was always a smily baby, he still flashes the same smile today. I couldn't help but just absolutely love him. I was hurt when people would look at him and stare, not at his beautiful smile, but at his hearing aids. My kids wear their differences right on their heads! You can't hide it, they are different. When I was talking to a mom last week, my heart grew raw with emotion and I cried right along with her. I felt like such a failure, that I was not encouraging her. Later, she e-mailed me and told me that she had the best conversation with me and felt validated in her fears but encouraged by my story. I thought to myself, how did my blubbery mess encourage her?? I had beat myself up over not being the bright and bubbly happy side of hearing loss. The truth really, was that she did not want to be alone in her imperfect world.. and I gave light to the fact that she was not alone. It's important to ask for help when you need it and shed a tear instead of shield it. I'm still learning that lesson! I encouraged this mom to call/email/text whenever she needed to talk or wanted someone to pray for her.. which is something that I cannot even train myself to do!!! I'm a work in progress :)
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Text messages and post-it notes :)
There is something similar to a movie going on in my head.. flashbacks from different events combining together to show me a BIGGER picture. Over labor day weekend we attended the lifelight festival near Sioux Falls, for the very first time. Amazing. Worth every second. Valuable message. I see a new family tradition ahead of us. Unfortunately, I have been suffering from terrible migraines lately :(. I was recently at the doctor, and nothing obvious is wrong with me which is somewhat annoying because I just want to FIX THIS PROBLEM!!! On the other hand, I'm extremely grateful that there isn't anything too immediate or obvious that is causing me this discomfort. Even with a headache that literally felt out of body, and I questioned several time "is this really how bad I feel, it can't get any worse, right??"... we were still fortunate to hear a really great message at lifelight! The lead singer from 10th Avenue North spoke such amazing words of wisdom to me. He talked about confessing our sins to a close few, as sort of an accountability to get over those sins. I was reminded of the 2011 leadership summit where I think it was the Mayor of New Jersey Corey Booker.. or maybe not -- eh, details :) But anyway, he said something to the effect of how we tend to compare ourselves to someone elses 'highlight reel'. SO TRUE!! I am continually thinking of all my amazing friends who have it all together, house spick-n-span, not a hair out of place with children that have clean faces (doesn't take much to make me feel one upped haha). I think oh man, if I could just go to the park as often as Sarah, be as organized as Vickie, write as well as Laura, be as witty as Carolyn, smile as much as Angela, do as many rec. activities with my kids as Desiree, deliver as many heart-felt compliments as Amy, be as patient with my kiddos as Ally, sew as good as Rose, be as intentional as Tiffany, speak with a kind heart like Karen, listen as well as Candice, be as encouraging as Katie or Honor my husband like Jessica......... then maybe I would be fulfilled and content. WRONG, wrong.. wrong! I'm totally setting my sights on the wrong ideas and trying to achieve aspects that I admire in other people. Not to mention, I pair individuals 'strong' points and wish I could be more like them. Meanwhile, I don't really have a relationship with that many people where I hold them accountable, or they hold me accountable to each of our sins. I'm a sinner, everyday I fall short.. Lifelight helped me to get a grip on reality. Reality isn't trying to be more like my friends. The only thing that can bring me content and fulfillment is if I strive to be more like JESUS! Even so, I'm not going to be perfect.. but its important for me to remember that no one is!!! Besides, Romans 5 vs. 6-8 says : "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us." So even though I fall short and sometimes feel like a failure, I'm sooo encouraged and uplifted and THANKFUL for such an awesome and gracious God!!!
Whew.. glad to get that off my chest!!
I've mentioned it before, but I am a true believer in "Murphys Law"... what can go wrong, WILL go wrong!! Odds have never really seemed to be in my favor (for instance, 25% odds for hearing loss, for the Steffens actually = 100%). This overwhelming feeling often leads me to saying negative things like, of course that would happen to me.. why not?? I tend to dwell on those tiny, teensy, eensie weensie little negativities -- mostly in my head. I don't wear it on my sleeve that often when I'm harboring negative thoughts. Last week, after going on a rant about why things can't just be easy for me... I was enlightened by the divine intervention of the dropping off of the book "Unglued" by Lysa Terkuerst. Wowza, felt like I was struck by lightening. In her book, what first struck me was when she was talking about how she would just get done praying for patience with her children, then 10 minutes later she would be snapping at them. *raising my hand* guilty!! Upon just the opening 20 pages of that book.. I decided it was time to show myself that things do happen that melt my heart. Things DO happen that fill my cup with joy!!! Things absolutely DO HAPPEN, that bring me simple happiness. And the thing I found out over the course of this week was-- things are happening all the time, Im just not enjoying each and every little sparkle of life! I started secretly writing on little scraps of paper, then got more sophisticated and wrote my little notes on post-its. Eventually, I figured out that technology trumps paper (and really, I am a pen and paper gal) and I started to text myself the little "sparkles". We'll call them sparkles, for namesake. I came up with quite a list, but these were just the 'little' things that brought me a smile and what was best about these things is, after taking a moment to write them down and then later reflect on them.. I felt amazing. I felt energized and some of the notes even gave me tingly butterfly feelings in my tummy just re-thinking about how BLESSED I truly am :). I've decided to share my list.. no sense in keeping this a secret now that I've shared this much :). No judgement on the 'little' things that make me happy, taking baby steps here :)
Little brother Dylin reading Noah a book, Ashley tickling Miles til he is about to burst, Kendra spontaneously blowing me kisses and saying wuv u mama, Matt explaining tome why the word that sums me up is 'package' since I'm his total package hahahah, opening my husbands bible and not being able to flip too far without seeing meaningful highlighted passages and getting a glimpse inside his heart, baking my husband cupcakes for his bday with the babies. My sister wanting to spend her day off work with me, a simple request of chicken empanadas for supper (because my cooking is-- as she said it, delicious), Dancing with my 3 hard of hearing kids and watching my husband dance with my daughter.. precious. Confiding in a friend and being 100% confident that my thoughts/feelings/future endeavors are safe with her. Being told by complete strangers that I have adorable dimples (if that doesn't make me want to keep smiling.. dont know what would!!!), reading a daily devotional with my husband about lasting marriages with much scripture reference - by couples that have been married 50+ years!! Reading "Heaven is for Real" and having my socks knocked off. Watching my mom dance with Kendra to worship music at Lifelight. Going into Hallmark without any kids to use a gift certificate I recieved for my birthday and finding that they have fuzzy slippers in again... Overhearing Noah and Kendra bundled together with hands folded in prayer, because they are playing house and "you can't eat supper without thanking Jesus"--says Noah. Miles' pucker up fish lips as he leans in for kiss, after kiss, after kiss. Matt popping into Target to get diapers and him buying me ROLOS just cuz.
It would seem from my list, it doesn't take much to make me happy! I think this little excercise will help me to realize that there will always be *little* things that annoy me or drive me nuts.. but for every *little thing* that drives me bonkers, there will be TWO *little* things that melt my heart. I just need to keep focused on the fact that there truly is a balance here!!
Whew.. glad to get that off my chest!!
I've mentioned it before, but I am a true believer in "Murphys Law"... what can go wrong, WILL go wrong!! Odds have never really seemed to be in my favor (for instance, 25% odds for hearing loss, for the Steffens actually = 100%). This overwhelming feeling often leads me to saying negative things like, of course that would happen to me.. why not?? I tend to dwell on those tiny, teensy, eensie weensie little negativities -- mostly in my head. I don't wear it on my sleeve that often when I'm harboring negative thoughts. Last week, after going on a rant about why things can't just be easy for me... I was enlightened by the divine intervention of the dropping off of the book "Unglued" by Lysa Terkuerst. Wowza, felt like I was struck by lightening. In her book, what first struck me was when she was talking about how she would just get done praying for patience with her children, then 10 minutes later she would be snapping at them. *raising my hand* guilty!! Upon just the opening 20 pages of that book.. I decided it was time to show myself that things do happen that melt my heart. Things DO happen that fill my cup with joy!!! Things absolutely DO HAPPEN, that bring me simple happiness. And the thing I found out over the course of this week was-- things are happening all the time, Im just not enjoying each and every little sparkle of life! I started secretly writing on little scraps of paper, then got more sophisticated and wrote my little notes on post-its. Eventually, I figured out that technology trumps paper (and really, I am a pen and paper gal) and I started to text myself the little "sparkles". We'll call them sparkles, for namesake. I came up with quite a list, but these were just the 'little' things that brought me a smile and what was best about these things is, after taking a moment to write them down and then later reflect on them.. I felt amazing. I felt energized and some of the notes even gave me tingly butterfly feelings in my tummy just re-thinking about how BLESSED I truly am :). I've decided to share my list.. no sense in keeping this a secret now that I've shared this much :). No judgement on the 'little' things that make me happy, taking baby steps here :)
Little brother Dylin reading Noah a book, Ashley tickling Miles til he is about to burst, Kendra spontaneously blowing me kisses and saying wuv u mama, Matt explaining tome why the word that sums me up is 'package' since I'm his total package hahahah, opening my husbands bible and not being able to flip too far without seeing meaningful highlighted passages and getting a glimpse inside his heart, baking my husband cupcakes for his bday with the babies. My sister wanting to spend her day off work with me, a simple request of chicken empanadas for supper (because my cooking is-- as she said it, delicious), Dancing with my 3 hard of hearing kids and watching my husband dance with my daughter.. precious. Confiding in a friend and being 100% confident that my thoughts/feelings/future endeavors are safe with her. Being told by complete strangers that I have adorable dimples (if that doesn't make me want to keep smiling.. dont know what would!!!), reading a daily devotional with my husband about lasting marriages with much scripture reference - by couples that have been married 50+ years!! Reading "Heaven is for Real" and having my socks knocked off. Watching my mom dance with Kendra to worship music at Lifelight. Going into Hallmark without any kids to use a gift certificate I recieved for my birthday and finding that they have fuzzy slippers in again... Overhearing Noah and Kendra bundled together with hands folded in prayer, because they are playing house and "you can't eat supper without thanking Jesus"--says Noah. Miles' pucker up fish lips as he leans in for kiss, after kiss, after kiss. Matt popping into Target to get diapers and him buying me ROLOS just cuz.
It would seem from my list, it doesn't take much to make me happy! I think this little excercise will help me to realize that there will always be *little* things that annoy me or drive me nuts.. but for every *little thing* that drives me bonkers, there will be TWO *little* things that melt my heart. I just need to keep focused on the fact that there truly is a balance here!!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
five years in a flash
August, August, August. You've just arrived and I'm afraid your about to pass! Time truly is sailing!! Yesterday I put my 5 year old on a school bus and with a great big "Noah" grin he waved goodbye and was off to his first day of kindergarten. I shed a small tear in that moment, just thinking about how his days home with me went so fast, how he wouldn't be at my hip saying "momma, may I please have ANOTHER snack", and how he was heading off to a big school, with BIG groups of people and BIGGER challenges than he has faced thus far in life (atleast that is how I was feeling). Almost immediately I recieved some much needed words of encouragement from friends and one even described my feelings and validated them by reminding me *its a mom thing* "seeing the bigger picture and being ok with it even when it puts a tiny hole in our heart!!!" As I have previously described, I am a worrier to the core! I just pray that Noah is accepted and making friends. Besides, I can't imagine even 5 and 6 year olds being able to resist that GREAT BIG smile :). The true tears started falling when Noah's bus dropped him off. The ride was a bit longer than anticipated, being a new kid he did not get dropped off right away. He rode for about a half hour longer than he normally will, but the bus driver gave a big smile and thumbs up at Noahs behavior. It's good to know that he was patient, and kind, and polite :)
Lucky for me, I was able to spend the day before school started with Noah. We both had dentist appointments, and he did EXCELLENT!! He listened very well, responded when necessary -- and who knew his mouth could open THAT wide. It was impressive!! Neither of us had cavities, so we had to celebrate with an ice cream treat! I'm so glad I was able to seize that moment and spend some special time with just Noah. The truth is, each of my kids enjoy there one-on-ones. If it wasn't for there therapy schedules and individual appointments, I don't think I would give them near the undivided attention that I do. While all three of them truly enjoy eachothers company, I can just sense the appreciation when I spend just an afternoon with one of them. I took Kendra with to Fairmont while we waited for Matt to get done with the dentist and we went out for breakfast. This little lady talked my ear off!! She was able to express herself and enjoy some mommy time. Sometimes being a mom can seem a bit thankless, but I've found that when I dig deep and make the effort to give them a chance they are most certainly grateful to have me.
I have to say, August is my favorite month :) This year I turned 25 and my amazing husband organized an AWESOME evening for me!! With the help of my mom and sister, they pulled off the BEST surprise I could have ever imagined. More often than not, I struggle with self value. I feel unworthy at times or even just invisible. When I walked in to the Olive Garden and saw a bunch of people sitting around a table waiting to have supper with me for my birthday, I was over the top elated!!!! Matt really gave me a gift this year; in your face-you cant deny it- FRIENDSHIP & LOVE!! That is what immediately entered my mind and heart in that moment. Thanks friends, for the effort and time you took to eat supper with me, bowl a couple games, lazer tag AND the ice cream to top off the night. This girl felt loved.... not an easy task to accomplish!
I spent my actual birthday, Sunday, with a great day of church and my mom had a cookout at her house. My mom, Nick, Ash and Dylin gave me a Paula Dean Cookware set and the babies got me an impressive cookbook!! (Easy and inexpensive meals... too cool!!) I have been amped up and ready to cook since the middle of August now, I hope it doesn't wear off :)
August is also ALWAYS the month of the Global Leadership Summit. Matt and I have been blessed by an awesome employer who has sent us the past 3 years. I look forward to going each year because it encourages me and stretches my leadership abilities. I'm a leader at home, at work, with my siblings etc.. In general I just find it encouraging and I love the push it gives me to GROW. This year I was enlightened by what I think took over me this summer with all the working I have done. Its called productive paranoia :) Go figure, I'm paranoid! Anyways, Jim Collins said that productive paranoia is what you do during good times or blessed times so that when tough times arise, you can still thrive and BE a blessing! Powerful stuff :) This year, my sister Ashley came to the conference. I was really happy to be able to share the experience with her. It's exciting to see her grow and I am really proud of some of the post summit conversations we have had. It's great to see Jesus at work in her.
The good news is, this month is not over yet and its going to keep getting better. I have a friend getting married to an awesome Man this weekend and my husband turns 26 in just 7 days!!!
Monday, July 23, 2012
The deal is done!!!
Friday, July 20th at 1:30 p.m. we officially said good bye to ownership of the place we called home for 6 years! Six years doesn't actually seem very long, but in reminiscing I've remembered to bringing all 3 babies straight home from the hospital to our cozy little house. I remember having birthday parties for the kids there, setting up our trampoline, playtime in the basement and the kids all sharing ONE bedroom :). I remember when Matt and I purchased the home, and how proud we were to share something so special with one another. I remember my dad coming over to show Matt how to hang new doors on our home (one of the last good memories I have with him because he got sick just shortly after our purchase). I think back to all of the times I slept entirely too late (no kids to wake me up). Times surely have changed!!! I have shed many different emotions through this experience. Tears of sadness, when I felt the home was a burden. More tears of sadness, when I realized we would have no more memories in our "first" home. I've definitely had my fair share of tears of joy, recognizing how GOD has perfect timing and the sale of our home was in His time.
Now, on to the next chapter of life. Since taking Dave Ramsey's financial peace university (yep, another plug.. because the program is life altering in the BEST way possible!!) we have definitely 360'd our life. I'm still a wanter.. I want, and want and want and want and want!!! However, we have learned a discipline that has bettered my life in suuuch an amazing way! This summer I have worked 3 days a week to save for some of those wants on my never ending list :). I am SOOOO glad to announce that Matt and I will be enjoying a cruise together in January! We never went on a honey moon and we started our family a little over a year after marriage, so this is a long awaited time away with eachother. Might sound crazy, but bring on the winter :) :). The best part about our cruise is.. were going 100% debt free, not even a mortgage! Ok.. so we don't OWN a house, but I'm celebrating just the same ;). I will say, we have been searching the market looking at homes. We haven't found the house we can't live without yet. Were doing what we can to save, save and save some more and the interest rates on mortgages are crazy low, but we just want to make the best decision possible. Were renting right now and trying to "live like no one else".. and we have even considered living at my moms when our lease is up if we don't find the 'right' house. It sounds pretty drastic and crazy doesn't it??? However, its an opportunity to SAVE soooo much money while benefiting my mom with some extra income. I'm all for making sacrifices to set my family up for financial success.. but even I'm not sure this is a step that I should make :) Love you mom, Nick and Dylin :) But at the same time I can't help but think... HOW CAN I PASS UP THIS OPPORTUNITY!!?
Guess who is turning 5 in one week?? Noah is such a kind hearted soul :) He is extremely thoughtful and generous. I can't even stop at a gas station to pick up a bug juice without him saying "mom, can we get one for Miles and Kendra?" I love that boy, and its nuts to think that in just one month he will probably be entering kindergarten! Yep, I may have made a decision about something :) Matt would say that he knew that long ago and just needed some time for me to warm up to the idea of letting my biggest helper go off to school this coming fall :)
Kendra and Miles are still neck and neck as far as how they are growing, but Miles has the edge ;). He is a little cuddler, and very much an outside kinda guy. Miles has expanded his vocabulary to include words like "no" "stop it" and "get down!" which about summarizes his personality :). He is always getting into something! Kendra has moved on from her streak where I was certain she despised me. It was really upsetting for quite some time, and I was a bit shamed at how she treated me. She has really grown to appreciate me this summer. I have to admit, I give some of the credit to working and not being as "accessible" to her. I think I became chopped liver because she saw me day in and day out, and her Daddy was a rare commodity so she showed him great appreciation. Either way you look at it, I'm glad that phase has passed and she is able to express her love for me :)
It has been a pretty great summer so far. Memories have definitely been made! To God be the glory!!!
Now, on to the next chapter of life. Since taking Dave Ramsey's financial peace university (yep, another plug.. because the program is life altering in the BEST way possible!!) we have definitely 360'd our life. I'm still a wanter.. I want, and want and want and want and want!!! However, we have learned a discipline that has bettered my life in suuuch an amazing way! This summer I have worked 3 days a week to save for some of those wants on my never ending list :). I am SOOOO glad to announce that Matt and I will be enjoying a cruise together in January! We never went on a honey moon and we started our family a little over a year after marriage, so this is a long awaited time away with eachother. Might sound crazy, but bring on the winter :) :). The best part about our cruise is.. were going 100% debt free, not even a mortgage! Ok.. so we don't OWN a house, but I'm celebrating just the same ;). I will say, we have been searching the market looking at homes. We haven't found the house we can't live without yet. Were doing what we can to save, save and save some more and the interest rates on mortgages are crazy low, but we just want to make the best decision possible. Were renting right now and trying to "live like no one else".. and we have even considered living at my moms when our lease is up if we don't find the 'right' house. It sounds pretty drastic and crazy doesn't it??? However, its an opportunity to SAVE soooo much money while benefiting my mom with some extra income. I'm all for making sacrifices to set my family up for financial success.. but even I'm not sure this is a step that I should make :) Love you mom, Nick and Dylin :) But at the same time I can't help but think... HOW CAN I PASS UP THIS OPPORTUNITY!!?
Guess who is turning 5 in one week?? Noah is such a kind hearted soul :) He is extremely thoughtful and generous. I can't even stop at a gas station to pick up a bug juice without him saying "mom, can we get one for Miles and Kendra?" I love that boy, and its nuts to think that in just one month he will probably be entering kindergarten! Yep, I may have made a decision about something :) Matt would say that he knew that long ago and just needed some time for me to warm up to the idea of letting my biggest helper go off to school this coming fall :)
Kendra and Miles are still neck and neck as far as how they are growing, but Miles has the edge ;). He is a little cuddler, and very much an outside kinda guy. Miles has expanded his vocabulary to include words like "no" "stop it" and "get down!" which about summarizes his personality :). He is always getting into something! Kendra has moved on from her streak where I was certain she despised me. It was really upsetting for quite some time, and I was a bit shamed at how she treated me. She has really grown to appreciate me this summer. I have to admit, I give some of the credit to working and not being as "accessible" to her. I think I became chopped liver because she saw me day in and day out, and her Daddy was a rare commodity so she showed him great appreciation. Either way you look at it, I'm glad that phase has passed and she is able to express her love for me :)
It has been a pretty great summer so far. Memories have definitely been made! To God be the glory!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
We are the light of the world..
June is in full swing! I am enjoying a new pace this summer, combining a lotta time with the kids and also putting in some extra hours at work. Im finding that there are a lot of things that I am really wanting right now and im pretty blessed with the option to turn work on or off and work what works for me and my family. The sale of our St. James house is not quite finalized, but I would like to think were on the tail end of that deal! My patience has been wearing thinner and thinner, so I am trying to remind myself to be still and learn what I can from this situation!!
Kendra has been back and forth to the ENT regarding the ear infection that first started back at the end of March. Friday, we ended up running a little late for our appointment, which ended up costing us 3 hours. She had made a special time to get Kendra in between surgeries and meetings, due to the severity of her ears.. I felt pretty low. But a culture was taken, again (ugh.. so I was just holding out hope for this one to be the ONE to solve the issue). Kendra had a rough time, she was already antsy from having to sit and wait at the clinic and then she basically had to be put in a straight jacket so she wouldnt wiggle too much and they could look in her ears and take the culture plus they suctioned all the nastiness out. That was a hard one for this momma to watch because now she can talk and she kept saying "mommy, please.. I want mommy.. ouchie, ouchie". Another day passed where I had to look deep inside and ask God to give me some insight to why my little Kendra Louise has been asked to endure this. It seems though, when my fuel is running low, i always seem to have someone reach out to me to give me hope or atleast help to remind me that I am blessed. Just the simple message that your on my side and praying for peace, keeping us in your thoughts.. thank you! So Friday, I was supposed to work and last week when we first brought Kendra in to see the Dr they wanted to try some meds and see how she looked in a week. They made this appointment especially for us.. so how could I tell them it didnt work for us?? Well, i was reminded of why I stopped working full time and I am sooo greatful to be in the position where I can take care of my family first. I had initially planned on working at 9, with the appointment I changed that to be able to work at 11... after running behind, I didnt end up at work til 1:30. It was a pretty crummy feeling, like I was failing in all areas.. so what better to do than go to the bathroom and cry while I was waiting to get into the clinic. It was a healthy cry though.. and the whole while Kendra just tapped me and hugged saying "ohhhh, its okay mama". Who woulda thought that a few hours later I would be providing the same kind of comfort my daughter was offering me!
I had a great day with Kendra at hearing therapy on Tuesday. We were driving through town with the windows down in the van (i can handle that at 30 mph) haha.. and I was listening to christian radio. I was stopped at the stop light and singing aloud "we are the light of the world........" by Kari Robe.. just totally getting into it and watching KK dance in her car seat. I look to my left and saw a car watching and smiling.. so I decided to say hi! The man in the passenger seat said "how are you" so I replied with an enthusiastic GreaT! How are you and he says "i guess were doing pretty good" so I said, praise God! He replied "I don't know about all that, but maybe your right" and then we were off, the light was green and we went our separate ways. You can imagine how shocked and embarassed at my singing I was when I walked into the clinic where Kendra has hearing therapy and saw the family I had seen earlier in traffic. The mom, who was driving the car and I didn't even get a chance to see her response to my singing (I mean c'mon, this song was easily an octave above my "good" ((if I have a 'good')) singing range) says to me, Hi -- I think we met earlier on Madison Ave :). I know my face got red because I could hardly breathe and it felt like they turned the heat up to 88!! Rather than trying to not act embarassed (since the color of my face probably gave it all away) I just said, soooo sorry, that is one concert I'm sure you will NEVER forget. She just smiled kindly and said, probably not. Through talking, I found out that they have an 18 month old who has not been responding to sound and they have had one ABR which determined that there sweet little guy has a hearing loss. There appointment today was to talk about their options and they were feeling pretty dumpy about life. Sweet little Kendra, and all her sassiness was by my side and they just marveled at her. The only question they asked about Kendras CI's was if she was born with hearing or not. I told them no and that she did not even have her first word until after implanted. The mom had tears in her eyes and said with a quivery voice "She is so sweet, and happy, and normal". I, of course welled up and said to her "Of course there are hard days and why me days, but more than that your right. She is sweet, and happy, and normal". She thanked me and I gave her my number if she ever wanted to talk. Who woulda thought that would happen??
At the end of May, Matt and I were able to get away for a night and watch a Twins baseball game. They won!! McDonalds sends us each year for free, plus we get to put our names in for prizes and this year my name got drawn and I won a cash prize :). My sister watched the kids for us at our house and I'm pretty sure they didn't even miss us! The house was in good shape when we got back home and the kids were halfway happy to see us. Especially Miles, I can always count on him to want his Mommy!!! It's good for us to get away and spend quality time together, and were very blessed to have lots of helpers to make it possible!!
During the school year, Matt and I went to the bully busters production that Ronald McDonald does at schools. Matt has done a phenominal job being organized and involved in the St. James community. While we were there, we got a snapshot with Ronald and thought Noah would think it was pretty neat. When we showed him he had tears in his eyes and he just said, but I didn't get to see him :( We didn't realize he would feel so left out! We decided that it was high time he got to meet him. We brought Noah and Kendra to the Riverfest parade lineup where Ronald would be waiting so he could meet him. Kendra was not too impressed (1.) because the bands were practicing and it was too loud for her and (2.) she does not think Ronald is "normal". Noah loved it though and even got to walk in the parade and hand out candy, neclaces and coupons. It was good for him to get out in that sort of a social setting. When he gets around people he doesn't know, he gets really shy and doesn't answer questions or interact. Then he warms up and doesn't stop talking!
Well friends, enjoy your summers and stay in touch! Don't be afraid to touch peoples lives, because you never know what impact you just might have :)
Kendra has been back and forth to the ENT regarding the ear infection that first started back at the end of March. Friday, we ended up running a little late for our appointment, which ended up costing us 3 hours. She had made a special time to get Kendra in between surgeries and meetings, due to the severity of her ears.. I felt pretty low. But a culture was taken, again (ugh.. so I was just holding out hope for this one to be the ONE to solve the issue). Kendra had a rough time, she was already antsy from having to sit and wait at the clinic and then she basically had to be put in a straight jacket so she wouldnt wiggle too much and they could look in her ears and take the culture plus they suctioned all the nastiness out. That was a hard one for this momma to watch because now she can talk and she kept saying "mommy, please.. I want mommy.. ouchie, ouchie". Another day passed where I had to look deep inside and ask God to give me some insight to why my little Kendra Louise has been asked to endure this. It seems though, when my fuel is running low, i always seem to have someone reach out to me to give me hope or atleast help to remind me that I am blessed. Just the simple message that your on my side and praying for peace, keeping us in your thoughts.. thank you! So Friday, I was supposed to work and last week when we first brought Kendra in to see the Dr they wanted to try some meds and see how she looked in a week. They made this appointment especially for us.. so how could I tell them it didnt work for us?? Well, i was reminded of why I stopped working full time and I am sooo greatful to be in the position where I can take care of my family first. I had initially planned on working at 9, with the appointment I changed that to be able to work at 11... after running behind, I didnt end up at work til 1:30. It was a pretty crummy feeling, like I was failing in all areas.. so what better to do than go to the bathroom and cry while I was waiting to get into the clinic. It was a healthy cry though.. and the whole while Kendra just tapped me and hugged saying "ohhhh, its okay mama". Who woulda thought that a few hours later I would be providing the same kind of comfort my daughter was offering me!
I had a great day with Kendra at hearing therapy on Tuesday. We were driving through town with the windows down in the van (i can handle that at 30 mph) haha.. and I was listening to christian radio. I was stopped at the stop light and singing aloud "we are the light of the world........" by Kari Robe.. just totally getting into it and watching KK dance in her car seat. I look to my left and saw a car watching and smiling.. so I decided to say hi! The man in the passenger seat said "how are you" so I replied with an enthusiastic GreaT! How are you and he says "i guess were doing pretty good" so I said, praise God! He replied "I don't know about all that, but maybe your right" and then we were off, the light was green and we went our separate ways. You can imagine how shocked and embarassed at my singing I was when I walked into the clinic where Kendra has hearing therapy and saw the family I had seen earlier in traffic. The mom, who was driving the car and I didn't even get a chance to see her response to my singing (I mean c'mon, this song was easily an octave above my "good" ((if I have a 'good')) singing range) says to me, Hi -- I think we met earlier on Madison Ave :). I know my face got red because I could hardly breathe and it felt like they turned the heat up to 88!! Rather than trying to not act embarassed (since the color of my face probably gave it all away) I just said, soooo sorry, that is one concert I'm sure you will NEVER forget. She just smiled kindly and said, probably not. Through talking, I found out that they have an 18 month old who has not been responding to sound and they have had one ABR which determined that there sweet little guy has a hearing loss. There appointment today was to talk about their options and they were feeling pretty dumpy about life. Sweet little Kendra, and all her sassiness was by my side and they just marveled at her. The only question they asked about Kendras CI's was if she was born with hearing or not. I told them no and that she did not even have her first word until after implanted. The mom had tears in her eyes and said with a quivery voice "She is so sweet, and happy, and normal". I, of course welled up and said to her "Of course there are hard days and why me days, but more than that your right. She is sweet, and happy, and normal". She thanked me and I gave her my number if she ever wanted to talk. Who woulda thought that would happen??
At the end of May, Matt and I were able to get away for a night and watch a Twins baseball game. They won!! McDonalds sends us each year for free, plus we get to put our names in for prizes and this year my name got drawn and I won a cash prize :). My sister watched the kids for us at our house and I'm pretty sure they didn't even miss us! The house was in good shape when we got back home and the kids were halfway happy to see us. Especially Miles, I can always count on him to want his Mommy!!! It's good for us to get away and spend quality time together, and were very blessed to have lots of helpers to make it possible!!
During the school year, Matt and I went to the bully busters production that Ronald McDonald does at schools. Matt has done a phenominal job being organized and involved in the St. James community. While we were there, we got a snapshot with Ronald and thought Noah would think it was pretty neat. When we showed him he had tears in his eyes and he just said, but I didn't get to see him :( We didn't realize he would feel so left out! We decided that it was high time he got to meet him. We brought Noah and Kendra to the Riverfest parade lineup where Ronald would be waiting so he could meet him. Kendra was not too impressed (1.) because the bands were practicing and it was too loud for her and (2.) she does not think Ronald is "normal". Noah loved it though and even got to walk in the parade and hand out candy, neclaces and coupons. It was good for him to get out in that sort of a social setting. When he gets around people he doesn't know, he gets really shy and doesn't answer questions or interact. Then he warms up and doesn't stop talking!
Well friends, enjoy your summers and stay in touch! Don't be afraid to touch peoples lives, because you never know what impact you just might have :)
Monday, May 7, 2012
Keeping it simple..
I've been a mixed and mangled bag of emotions lately. Its up, then its down and then its back up again. I guess thats partially what makes me a woman, maybe? :) I was playing with Noah the other day and he was whispering sweet things to me like "Mommy, I love you" and "Mommy, I think your butiful (how he says beautiful)". I would giggle, say "OH THANK YOU!!" and give him a smooch. I can't get this moment out of my head because it was soooo sweet. And then I took a turn and whispered into his sweet little ear "Noah, your kindness makes me sooo happy" and he looked at me blank faced and said "Mom, remember, my ears don't work good like yours". I was heartbroken. I still am. We had home hearing therapy this a.m. and I have it tomorrow in Mankato and I'm just in a silly rut of feeling sorry for us. I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself, more for them if anything. But, I am selfish and asking the famous questions.. "WHY US???"
At my nieces 5th birthday party, Noah was playing with the kids at the party. One of the little boys that was there was playing Doctor. He had a stethoscope and wanted some help putting it on. I felt a little bit sad because it was at that moment I thought "well, there goes the idea of the kids growing up and becoming doctors". I must have blurted that negative thought out loud because a sweet friend assured me that there would definitely be something that our kids could use to be doctors and that would never hold them back! How fortunate am I to be surrounded by such thoughtful and genuinely kind people? If only I could just let go of the 'what ifs' and the 'why me's'...
Were creating a summer schedule for the kids' hearing therapy. I'm feeling like such a bad mom, because I really just want to enjoy the summer!!!! I want to put Noah in T-ball, have sparatic playdates, join a playgroup, do swimming lessons, take unplanned walks and stay in our PJ's til we decide we want to get on with our day!! It's really not that I don't want my kids to learn language and expand their vocabularies over this summer, but I just want to be normal. I want to ditch the hearing therapy schedule and pretend like nothing is wrong with them. When I look at them, I don't automatically think they have hearing impairments. I look at them and see cute, rambunctious, sneaky, loving little Steffens :) It's not like we don't talk to them and they are struggling terribly.. so am I out of line that I want to cut down the therapy time???
Sometimes I get frustrated with the little things. For example, Kendra's right CI processor is in need of repair and Miles just got fitted for a new ear molds which once he gets that I'm praying he will be less likely to have them just pop right out of his ear. His aids are sooooo tiny, which cosmetically are really nice because they are hardly noticeable. HOWEVER, this mama is pretty sick and tired of searching all of this house for them!!!! The ear molds should help to solve that little issue. Noah is eligible for a new hearing aid. The technology has gotten better and since his recent Audiology appointment determined that his hearing has not dropped significantly enough for another implant, we've been in and out of appointments for that. I'm just getting burnt out. I want to do everything I can for them, but I want to still have energy and time to do the simple things with them :) When it comes to the implants and hearing aids, I care sooo much less about how that makes them look different than I used to. I've realized that the kids are more than capable of making friends and it helps with the friendships my husband and I have, our kids usually get built in friendships. Mostly, I've just decided that its who we are, not how we look that is going to determine our quality of life.
I'm sure this feeling is just a stage of life that will come and go.. Right now I just really needed to get it off my chest...
Back to the sunny side of life :). Our preschool teacher has multiple times assured us that Noah is ready to go to Kindergarden. Her only comment was that sometimes it takes him longer to process directions or hear the task at hand, but this is something that he will always have to deal with. Kendra Louise is a smarty-pants. Maybe sassy, smarty-pants is more appropriate. She is 28 months old and her comprehension of language peaks at the 30 month old level. Thats right folks, she is ahead of the game!!!! Praise God for the mighty works he has enabled us to do with Ms. Sassy-Smarty-Pants!!! :) Oh boy, she is a tough one. A lot of times I'm not really sure if she is listening to me, because she just won't give me the satisfaction. It has been rewarding to see that even when I'm sure she is flat out ignoring me, she is taking it all in!! Must be the womanly ability to multi-task in her :). My Milesy is going to either be a dancer, singer or ball player! He is 15 months old and his talent is undeniable :) Haha, he will be moonwalking in no time ;)
We've been on the house-hunt lately. Searching for homes in both St. James and Windom and even considering Mt. Lake. We've mostly, sorta, almost (just to make it clear ;)) decided that we would like to stay in Windom. We really enjoy the relationships we have built and maintained here and we truly believe that not only our quality of life but also our kids' quality of life will be better here. All 3 of our kids have been blessed with WONDERFUL, AMAZING and LOVING friendships. *brushing my shoulder* Thanks to some networking by their equally pretty amazing parents ;). But seriously, they are accepted and enjoyed by many families in this community and for that we are FOREVER greatful. We've been embraced by so many people here, its hard to leave it all behind. Yesterday I poked into the church nursery to check on my 2 littlest and I saw Miles getting the best of care by a dear friend who was juggling far too many children by herself. But, I was just in awe looking at how she gave it her all and he was able to find comfort in her. Then, when I went to pick the kids up.. and I'm not sure how I am always the last parent to get in there..(probably something I need to work on!) But I saw yet another good friend, and he was reaching his arms out to her and finding security in her being there with him. My heart was melting with complete gratitude to those ladies!! I've even enlisted the help of a couple of friends to watch the boys when I've taken Kendra to Mankato for hearing therapy (which is something I've been too shy and reserved to do). I was able to beat the bus back the one day and to my amazement, Noah was completely depressed to see that he was dropped off at home and not at his friends house. To me, that meant he completely enjoyed his time spent at their house.
Wow, much better. Thanks for listening and also for recognizing that while were not always chasing rainbows of happiness and butterflies of joy, that doesn't mean that were any less greatful for the blessings that have been presented before us. Thanks for being my blessing :)
At my nieces 5th birthday party, Noah was playing with the kids at the party. One of the little boys that was there was playing Doctor. He had a stethoscope and wanted some help putting it on. I felt a little bit sad because it was at that moment I thought "well, there goes the idea of the kids growing up and becoming doctors". I must have blurted that negative thought out loud because a sweet friend assured me that there would definitely be something that our kids could use to be doctors and that would never hold them back! How fortunate am I to be surrounded by such thoughtful and genuinely kind people? If only I could just let go of the 'what ifs' and the 'why me's'...
Were creating a summer schedule for the kids' hearing therapy. I'm feeling like such a bad mom, because I really just want to enjoy the summer!!!! I want to put Noah in T-ball, have sparatic playdates, join a playgroup, do swimming lessons, take unplanned walks and stay in our PJ's til we decide we want to get on with our day!! It's really not that I don't want my kids to learn language and expand their vocabularies over this summer, but I just want to be normal. I want to ditch the hearing therapy schedule and pretend like nothing is wrong with them. When I look at them, I don't automatically think they have hearing impairments. I look at them and see cute, rambunctious, sneaky, loving little Steffens :) It's not like we don't talk to them and they are struggling terribly.. so am I out of line that I want to cut down the therapy time???
Sometimes I get frustrated with the little things. For example, Kendra's right CI processor is in need of repair and Miles just got fitted for a new ear molds which once he gets that I'm praying he will be less likely to have them just pop right out of his ear. His aids are sooooo tiny, which cosmetically are really nice because they are hardly noticeable. HOWEVER, this mama is pretty sick and tired of searching all of this house for them!!!! The ear molds should help to solve that little issue. Noah is eligible for a new hearing aid. The technology has gotten better and since his recent Audiology appointment determined that his hearing has not dropped significantly enough for another implant, we've been in and out of appointments for that. I'm just getting burnt out. I want to do everything I can for them, but I want to still have energy and time to do the simple things with them :) When it comes to the implants and hearing aids, I care sooo much less about how that makes them look different than I used to. I've realized that the kids are more than capable of making friends and it helps with the friendships my husband and I have, our kids usually get built in friendships. Mostly, I've just decided that its who we are, not how we look that is going to determine our quality of life.
I'm sure this feeling is just a stage of life that will come and go.. Right now I just really needed to get it off my chest...
Back to the sunny side of life :). Our preschool teacher has multiple times assured us that Noah is ready to go to Kindergarden. Her only comment was that sometimes it takes him longer to process directions or hear the task at hand, but this is something that he will always have to deal with. Kendra Louise is a smarty-pants. Maybe sassy, smarty-pants is more appropriate. She is 28 months old and her comprehension of language peaks at the 30 month old level. Thats right folks, she is ahead of the game!!!! Praise God for the mighty works he has enabled us to do with Ms. Sassy-Smarty-Pants!!! :) Oh boy, she is a tough one. A lot of times I'm not really sure if she is listening to me, because she just won't give me the satisfaction. It has been rewarding to see that even when I'm sure she is flat out ignoring me, she is taking it all in!! Must be the womanly ability to multi-task in her :). My Milesy is going to either be a dancer, singer or ball player! He is 15 months old and his talent is undeniable :) Haha, he will be moonwalking in no time ;)
We've been on the house-hunt lately. Searching for homes in both St. James and Windom and even considering Mt. Lake. We've mostly, sorta, almost (just to make it clear ;)) decided that we would like to stay in Windom. We really enjoy the relationships we have built and maintained here and we truly believe that not only our quality of life but also our kids' quality of life will be better here. All 3 of our kids have been blessed with WONDERFUL, AMAZING and LOVING friendships. *brushing my shoulder* Thanks to some networking by their equally pretty amazing parents ;). But seriously, they are accepted and enjoyed by many families in this community and for that we are FOREVER greatful. We've been embraced by so many people here, its hard to leave it all behind. Yesterday I poked into the church nursery to check on my 2 littlest and I saw Miles getting the best of care by a dear friend who was juggling far too many children by herself. But, I was just in awe looking at how she gave it her all and he was able to find comfort in her. Then, when I went to pick the kids up.. and I'm not sure how I am always the last parent to get in there..(probably something I need to work on!) But I saw yet another good friend, and he was reaching his arms out to her and finding security in her being there with him. My heart was melting with complete gratitude to those ladies!! I've even enlisted the help of a couple of friends to watch the boys when I've taken Kendra to Mankato for hearing therapy (which is something I've been too shy and reserved to do). I was able to beat the bus back the one day and to my amazement, Noah was completely depressed to see that he was dropped off at home and not at his friends house. To me, that meant he completely enjoyed his time spent at their house.
Wow, much better. Thanks for listening and also for recognizing that while were not always chasing rainbows of happiness and butterflies of joy, that doesn't mean that were any less greatful for the blessings that have been presented before us. Thanks for being my blessing :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Its been too looooooong!
This last month I learned something very interesting about myself. I have no patience, zero, zilch, nada, none! Still waiting to see what the Lord has in store for us and not sure where we will call home in a couple of months. Each week we've been feeling like were hanging by our toenails just moments away from finality of this phase, and each week we continue to wait. I'm just trusting that in HIS time, it will all make sense. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." - Psalm 37:7 ........Easier said than done!! Today, we finally reached an agreement with the purchaser of our house. Ahh.. its a peaceful feeling, especially from where we started to where we've come!
Im attempting to keep my head clear and enjoy my last couple of months here in Windom (which happens to be closer to a lot of my friends, closer to my little brothers, closer to my Mom and closer to church).. Now I just have to remind myself to stick my neck out there and be sociable :). Right now, Noah has school at noon. He gets picked up by bus at about 11:50, so were eating lunch by 11. The babies (I think its funny how when I'm referring the the 1 and 2 year old -- their babies, If I'm referring to the 2 and 4 year old -- their the big kids :)) nap around noon til 3, and at 3 Noah gets done with school and it seems its time to starting thinking about preparing a supper-time meal for Matt! Realistically, I have a rigorous schedule with those little guys -- yet, I constantly feel like I'm not getting out there and being social :). I've been standoffish lately, not just because of the crazy schedule though. I think I'm preparing to go back to St. James and not be just a short walk away from several friends. There are people in St. James that I do truly miss, and I especially miss the time with my husband.. but man-o-man, I'm surely going to miss this community :(...
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time at my Moms. It's easy to just pop in there when the kids are being needy and have to get out of the house. Her house is also a place where I can go and tune out the world and know that my kids are getting what they need (and usually much-much more.. spoiled rotten is more like it). Nick and Dylin play with the kids, take them outside and swing them, play tag etc. etc. My mom is quick to hold out her arms and snuggle whoever wants to snuggle and she is especially partial to coloring for hours with the kids. I'm going to miss that, a lot. It's always nice to escape over there, because even if I only have a spare 45 minutes, they are usually just happy i've stopped.
Every other Tuesday, I head to Mankato with Kendra for hearing therapy. This week, my mom is on vacation so she will be coming with me and doing some shopping. Last week, my sister and I took my mom shopping (Kendra got to come too, it was a "girls" day). We had a blast and it was really a joy to see my mom get treated to something out of the norm. My sister is really generous, always gift giving! I CANNOT wait for mid-week to hit, my nieces are coming to spend the end of the week at my moms. Love 'em to pieces and since having my own little kidlets I haven't been able to spoil them like I used to. My McKenzy Dawn has a little power over me though, pretty sure she knows it ;) I'm excited to have everyone together this weekend for Easter!! Maybe we will even play some Wii Wheel of Fortune :) Cuz were cool like that ;)
A couple weeks ago we had a scare with Kendra, her ear was bleeding bright red blood. It was like a steady drip and I was panicked! Happy to say though, it was just another ear infection. I was worried that maybe she had stuck something in her ear! We took her to the ER and she got sent home on antibiotics and upon contacting her ENT, she is also on ear drops. The first part of the week, until about Wednesday was pretty rough. She was not sleeping well in the night. This momma needs her sleep to function!
I had the GREAT fortune to speak on a panel of Moms regarding being a parent of a special needs child. I'm in a lovely group with several wonderful women who opened their heart to hearing what they could do FOR me (being a mom of 3 deaf/hard of hearing children). This group has been one of my saving graces as a mother!! I've built bonds with women that I otherwise would not have opened myself to. While I recently started this blog where I have shared some deep moments, earlier in my motherhood days I was very, very private. Maybe private isn't even the right way to describe it, because it wasn't as if I was trying to withold information. I was really just not that comfortable with speaking in general about my "situation". It's a hard topic to bring up and obviously a hard topic to ask questions about without feeling like your prying or getting too personal. I don't usually introduce myself as "Renae Steffen, mother of 3 deaf children". They are soooo much more than that! Both good and bad ;). Of course, somehow I let myself get emotional when talking about our lives. In fact, I think our panel had a vast majority of our audience break some sort of a tear throughout the session. The truth is, while I'm not necessarily looking for extra sympathy (especially because I think ALL moms/families have issues for which we should find sympathy in our hearts).. but I am requesting that ALL families show awareness to their children. Teach them how far a kind smile goes and encourage them to LOVE their neighbors!! Point them in the direction of equality and pray that they grow up with the courage to stand up for what their heart KNOWS is right!! If you teach your children that everyone is a child of GOD, there will be hope for my Noah, Kendra and Miles. There are going to be kids along the way who will reject my children, that is just a fact that I have to come to terms with. But I find PEACE knowing that YOU, yes YOU, will encourage your kids to be fair and give kids like mine, who are a little 'different' a chance.
Trust me, one conversation with Noah -- and he will win you over with his cutesy putesy little smile and refreshing personality! Look into little Kendras pretty blue eyes and past her snarly attitude, you might even get a glimpse into her dimply bubbly self. If your really lucky, you might get a sneak peak into a Milesy dance party :).. Can't even imagine them any other way :)
Im attempting to keep my head clear and enjoy my last couple of months here in Windom (which happens to be closer to a lot of my friends, closer to my little brothers, closer to my Mom and closer to church).. Now I just have to remind myself to stick my neck out there and be sociable :). Right now, Noah has school at noon. He gets picked up by bus at about 11:50, so were eating lunch by 11. The babies (I think its funny how when I'm referring the the 1 and 2 year old -- their babies, If I'm referring to the 2 and 4 year old -- their the big kids :)) nap around noon til 3, and at 3 Noah gets done with school and it seems its time to starting thinking about preparing a supper-time meal for Matt! Realistically, I have a rigorous schedule with those little guys -- yet, I constantly feel like I'm not getting out there and being social :). I've been standoffish lately, not just because of the crazy schedule though. I think I'm preparing to go back to St. James and not be just a short walk away from several friends. There are people in St. James that I do truly miss, and I especially miss the time with my husband.. but man-o-man, I'm surely going to miss this community :(...
Lately, I've been spending a lot of time at my Moms. It's easy to just pop in there when the kids are being needy and have to get out of the house. Her house is also a place where I can go and tune out the world and know that my kids are getting what they need (and usually much-much more.. spoiled rotten is more like it). Nick and Dylin play with the kids, take them outside and swing them, play tag etc. etc. My mom is quick to hold out her arms and snuggle whoever wants to snuggle and she is especially partial to coloring for hours with the kids. I'm going to miss that, a lot. It's always nice to escape over there, because even if I only have a spare 45 minutes, they are usually just happy i've stopped.
Every other Tuesday, I head to Mankato with Kendra for hearing therapy. This week, my mom is on vacation so she will be coming with me and doing some shopping. Last week, my sister and I took my mom shopping (Kendra got to come too, it was a "girls" day). We had a blast and it was really a joy to see my mom get treated to something out of the norm. My sister is really generous, always gift giving! I CANNOT wait for mid-week to hit, my nieces are coming to spend the end of the week at my moms. Love 'em to pieces and since having my own little kidlets I haven't been able to spoil them like I used to. My McKenzy Dawn has a little power over me though, pretty sure she knows it ;) I'm excited to have everyone together this weekend for Easter!! Maybe we will even play some Wii Wheel of Fortune :) Cuz were cool like that ;)
A couple weeks ago we had a scare with Kendra, her ear was bleeding bright red blood. It was like a steady drip and I was panicked! Happy to say though, it was just another ear infection. I was worried that maybe she had stuck something in her ear! We took her to the ER and she got sent home on antibiotics and upon contacting her ENT, she is also on ear drops. The first part of the week, until about Wednesday was pretty rough. She was not sleeping well in the night. This momma needs her sleep to function!
I had the GREAT fortune to speak on a panel of Moms regarding being a parent of a special needs child. I'm in a lovely group with several wonderful women who opened their heart to hearing what they could do FOR me (being a mom of 3 deaf/hard of hearing children). This group has been one of my saving graces as a mother!! I've built bonds with women that I otherwise would not have opened myself to. While I recently started this blog where I have shared some deep moments, earlier in my motherhood days I was very, very private. Maybe private isn't even the right way to describe it, because it wasn't as if I was trying to withold information. I was really just not that comfortable with speaking in general about my "situation". It's a hard topic to bring up and obviously a hard topic to ask questions about without feeling like your prying or getting too personal. I don't usually introduce myself as "Renae Steffen, mother of 3 deaf children". They are soooo much more than that! Both good and bad ;). Of course, somehow I let myself get emotional when talking about our lives. In fact, I think our panel had a vast majority of our audience break some sort of a tear throughout the session. The truth is, while I'm not necessarily looking for extra sympathy (especially because I think ALL moms/families have issues for which we should find sympathy in our hearts).. but I am requesting that ALL families show awareness to their children. Teach them how far a kind smile goes and encourage them to LOVE their neighbors!! Point them in the direction of equality and pray that they grow up with the courage to stand up for what their heart KNOWS is right!! If you teach your children that everyone is a child of GOD, there will be hope for my Noah, Kendra and Miles. There are going to be kids along the way who will reject my children, that is just a fact that I have to come to terms with. But I find PEACE knowing that YOU, yes YOU, will encourage your kids to be fair and give kids like mine, who are a little 'different' a chance.
Trust me, one conversation with Noah -- and he will win you over with his cutesy putesy little smile and refreshing personality! Look into little Kendras pretty blue eyes and past her snarly attitude, you might even get a glimpse into her dimply bubbly self. If your really lucky, you might get a sneak peak into a Milesy dance party :).. Can't even imagine them any other way :)
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
G(r)o(w)ing through life....
I'm in a hurry to get things done, oh I, rush and rush until lifes no fun.....
Ever just feel that way about life?? Over here at the Steffen house were in transition, you could say. I think I have created a mess -- now its time for me to clean it all up. Were packing up after our short 6 month stay here in Windom, and moving back to the home we own in St. James. I say this with a bit of a heavy heart, yet I am anxious to get back home :). I feel pretty silly that it took moving our family over here to realize that I can't handle my husband being gone for an extra hour a day. I've given the "grass isn't always greener" speech as my reason for needing to move back. When I was living in St. James, I think I felt like everyone was getting together (without me), building relationships (without me), having a great time (without me). Realistically, I have GREAT friends -- and while being in Windom has been convenient for friendship, its really taken a toll on our family. But living in Windom or not, I've been given much reassurance that my friends will still be there for me!! I've been searching for comfort, and the Lord has definitely provided that in my amazingly supportive husband and incredibly loving friends. My family has also been soooo understanding and supportive (and they moved me over here, so have every reason to be uber annoyed!!) Oh boy, I've definitely been an emotional rollercoaster these days!! Ever just feel like everyone has all the reason in the world to just close the door on you and walk away from you -- because your such a mess?? That's how I've been feeling, but WOW -- I'm ready to be over it one minute, and the next I find myself engulfed in a sea of tears feeling sorry for myself.
Enough is enough. I'm just not equipped to handle being emotionally drained for this long. I think it was through the Dave Ramsey class that we took where I heard that people in their 20's are trying to hurry up and have everything there parents worked 20 years to get. I just keep trying to remind myself that I am only 24 years old and have plenty of life ahead of me, I don't need to accomplish everything and have everything I'd ever dreamt of RIGHT NOW!! Still a hard concept for me. However, since were moving back to our house instead of moving into a "dream house"... we might be splurging on a camper this year. That truly makes me smile!! Just a little nervous about work-a-holic Matt and his ability to sneak away for camping adventures with me :)
I was looking through my e-mail, and this is the same e-mail I have had since the beginning of time. I have folders with e-mails in there from 10-12 years back. Some of the e-mails are those "fill it out" e-mails, where you answer questions about yourself and send it to whoever you want to fill it about themselves. Or was I the only one who did that?? :) You can learn a lot about a person that way!! I can think of several people that I would love to learn more about, hmmm.. haha. But they were hilarious - I mean, how deep can I get with my answers when I was 12 and my oh my have my ideas and thoughts changed! Really gets me to thinking, what am I going to be thinking about these thoughts/ideas that I'm having now in another 10 years :). Maybe for sake of humiliation, its time to shut this blog down!! Haha..
On a brighter note, those 3 little lamb chops of mine are ever growing and learning and beaming!! Noah is SUCH a big helper! I just love the organized play that he designs for the littler ones. He is quick to get them all dancing or playing "roll the ball". He is an awesome distraction for housework :) But clearly, I don't always use my time as wisely as I should (just nevermind the unfolded towels ;)) I can't even begin to express how greatful I am that Kendra WANTS her cochlear implants on. Miles is still not the biggest fan of his hearing aids, they can be a choking hazard -- and I honestly can't just sit at his side all day and make sure he's not deciding to eat them. Its still a struggle, but I know there will be a breakthrough.. I just have to be patient and see it all through!!!!! Last night, I was at my Moms because Matt had to work really late. Miles was kind of cranky so she decided to give him a bath and afterwards he was just a ball of energy!! It was hilarious because he would walk into the furniture and have a giggle fit. My mom joked that there must have been something in the bath water. With a grin from ear to ear, just thinking about my little munchkins -- Life is pretty great :)
Ever just feel that way about life?? Over here at the Steffen house were in transition, you could say. I think I have created a mess -- now its time for me to clean it all up. Were packing up after our short 6 month stay here in Windom, and moving back to the home we own in St. James. I say this with a bit of a heavy heart, yet I am anxious to get back home :). I feel pretty silly that it took moving our family over here to realize that I can't handle my husband being gone for an extra hour a day. I've given the "grass isn't always greener" speech as my reason for needing to move back. When I was living in St. James, I think I felt like everyone was getting together (without me), building relationships (without me), having a great time (without me). Realistically, I have GREAT friends -- and while being in Windom has been convenient for friendship, its really taken a toll on our family. But living in Windom or not, I've been given much reassurance that my friends will still be there for me!! I've been searching for comfort, and the Lord has definitely provided that in my amazingly supportive husband and incredibly loving friends. My family has also been soooo understanding and supportive (and they moved me over here, so have every reason to be uber annoyed!!) Oh boy, I've definitely been an emotional rollercoaster these days!! Ever just feel like everyone has all the reason in the world to just close the door on you and walk away from you -- because your such a mess?? That's how I've been feeling, but WOW -- I'm ready to be over it one minute, and the next I find myself engulfed in a sea of tears feeling sorry for myself.
Enough is enough. I'm just not equipped to handle being emotionally drained for this long. I think it was through the Dave Ramsey class that we took where I heard that people in their 20's are trying to hurry up and have everything there parents worked 20 years to get. I just keep trying to remind myself that I am only 24 years old and have plenty of life ahead of me, I don't need to accomplish everything and have everything I'd ever dreamt of RIGHT NOW!! Still a hard concept for me. However, since were moving back to our house instead of moving into a "dream house"... we might be splurging on a camper this year. That truly makes me smile!! Just a little nervous about work-a-holic Matt and his ability to sneak away for camping adventures with me :)
I was looking through my e-mail, and this is the same e-mail I have had since the beginning of time. I have folders with e-mails in there from 10-12 years back. Some of the e-mails are those "fill it out" e-mails, where you answer questions about yourself and send it to whoever you want to fill it about themselves. Or was I the only one who did that?? :) You can learn a lot about a person that way!! I can think of several people that I would love to learn more about, hmmm.. haha. But they were hilarious - I mean, how deep can I get with my answers when I was 12 and my oh my have my ideas and thoughts changed! Really gets me to thinking, what am I going to be thinking about these thoughts/ideas that I'm having now in another 10 years :). Maybe for sake of humiliation, its time to shut this blog down!! Haha..
On a brighter note, those 3 little lamb chops of mine are ever growing and learning and beaming!! Noah is SUCH a big helper! I just love the organized play that he designs for the littler ones. He is quick to get them all dancing or playing "roll the ball". He is an awesome distraction for housework :) But clearly, I don't always use my time as wisely as I should (just nevermind the unfolded towels ;)) I can't even begin to express how greatful I am that Kendra WANTS her cochlear implants on. Miles is still not the biggest fan of his hearing aids, they can be a choking hazard -- and I honestly can't just sit at his side all day and make sure he's not deciding to eat them. Its still a struggle, but I know there will be a breakthrough.. I just have to be patient and see it all through!!!!! Last night, I was at my Moms because Matt had to work really late. Miles was kind of cranky so she decided to give him a bath and afterwards he was just a ball of energy!! It was hilarious because he would walk into the furniture and have a giggle fit. My mom joked that there must have been something in the bath water. With a grin from ear to ear, just thinking about my little munchkins -- Life is pretty great :)
Friday, February 24, 2012
Cha-Ching!!
Sometimes I get a little frazzled at my duties as a mama and teacher. This week, I was OVER-delighted to learn that Kendra is in around the 25% for SPEECH (and she understands more than she says!!!!) for her AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOO :) I know its less than average, but bear in mind that this scale is measured against NORMAL hearing children. Not to mention, Kendra has only been hearing for 12 months at the time of testing!! Couldn't be more proud to be her mama.. and her teacher :)
So I've been following through with the "working on myself" business. I can say that I am feeling refreshed and I think even doing a better job at being a caretaker for my children and being a wife for my husband. Working on myself so far has consisted of several minor tweaks to my everyday life. Currently, I have chosen to let go of the worries of how my children will behave outside of my home. I'm one of those Moms that worries that my kids are going to be the obnoxious, rough, loud kids. Or that I will have the children that won't let me leave the 'nursery' area to do whatever I've shown up to do. I also have reservations about dropping them off in big groups with not a lot of big helpers because I worry that they will be a burden with all of the 'extras' they come with (kendra-2 cochlear implants, Noah-1 aid, 1 implant and Miles-2 Hearing Aids). Yeah, my kids might be the ones that are a bit much to handle but ehh.. if it doesn't work out, I will just have to keep trying. I'm not afraid of 'exposing' the lil' Steffens to other people, just afraid of putting too much responsibility on the help! Did you know that if Kendra's CI's get mixed up (Left one put on right side or vice-versa) she will scream a schrill of pain/discomfort?? I'm not sure what exactly happens, but I know that it is not a good situation. I worry about things like that happening, if her 'ears' fall off. We call all the hearing devices ears. Or atleast we did up until Noah decided it was not sophisticated enough to label his hearing devices as ears ;) My little smarty pants prefers correct terminology these days. Imagine being out with us and having me say to you "uhoh, have you seen Kendra's right ear??" Sounds a bit funny, but that is how we talk. Matt and I question sometimes what an onlooker might think of us scolding our kids saying "Hey, you need to listen!" We've had a look a few times that I've read as "Lady, obviously they struggle to hear you". The truth is, they might struggle to hear. In large groups where there is a lot of background noise, it is difficult for them to decide what piece of noise they should be listening to. However, I can tell you Noah can hear a whisper. Noah can hear quite well, but sometimes he just choses not to LISTEN!! :) A good example of that is me asking Noah to pick up his legos -- He doesn't respond. I ask again, still no response. Next move of mine is to check to see if his processor is working. I take it off and he says HEY! I need that! Then, when I ask him why he wasn't answering me -- He tells me "Umm.. Maybe I didn't want to hear you". Imagine Noah with an ear to ear grin on his face... little stinker.
Continuing on with what I'm doing for myself to better myself.. DATE NIGHT!!!! A lot of times I need help from my family when it comes to watching my kids. If they aren't watching them for an appointment, then they are watching them so I can work. Sometimes I would just feel silly asking someone to watch them just so I could spend an evening with my husband. Even as I type this I think of how ridiculous it is to neglect my relationship with my husband because of my worries about what my family might think about me leaving my kids behind to go on a date with my husband. I TRULY believe spending time apart from the kids is important. Can't say I've perfected the art of making my husband #1, but I sure am trying!!
I'm reading more :) I forgot how much I really enjoy reading. I feel like it enhances my vocabulary to venture away from reading strictly - "Cat in the Hat" or "Llama llama, red pajama" ;) While those books are HUGE hits with my kids, I'm giving myself some time to read books of my own chosing. At first it was a chore, and I thought.. the last thing I wanted to be doing with my free time was reading more books. But lately, I can get lost in a book! It's such a stress reliever :)
I've decided to let my kids be kids and enjoy their toys, but to also hold them accountable for some of the cleanup. Noah likes to earn money by cleaning up toys and making his bed. The kids are getting used to not dumping out all the toys - and being able to play with a few at a time.
This may seem a bit silly, but I've been using pinterest a ton lately. A.) It is interesting and fun to see what is all on there, but mostly B.) I have found TONS of meal plans that have made my job of deciding what is for supper - WAY easier. I'm pretty sure I can cut my eat-out budjet in half by using this site. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy saving money?? There is some sort of thrill I get from saving that I can't even explain! If I can get better about planning ahead on the grocery end, I think I will be making less trips there too. But I have to admit, its kind of a stress reliever to hit the grocery store kid free :) I think the trick to keeping my relationship with pinterest healthy is C.) Limit my time - set an alarm for a quit time :) A friend of mine sends her kids with a kitchen timer alerting them when it's time to come home.. I've stolen that idea to monitor my screen time :)
I love to laugh. I find great joy in making others laugh also! I can even giggle a bit just knowing that something in this post may have made someone laugh at the screen before them! I'm shy, but watch out when I break out of that shell!! My witty one-liners might just drive you nuts ;)
So I've been following through with the "working on myself" business. I can say that I am feeling refreshed and I think even doing a better job at being a caretaker for my children and being a wife for my husband. Working on myself so far has consisted of several minor tweaks to my everyday life. Currently, I have chosen to let go of the worries of how my children will behave outside of my home. I'm one of those Moms that worries that my kids are going to be the obnoxious, rough, loud kids. Or that I will have the children that won't let me leave the 'nursery' area to do whatever I've shown up to do. I also have reservations about dropping them off in big groups with not a lot of big helpers because I worry that they will be a burden with all of the 'extras' they come with (kendra-2 cochlear implants, Noah-1 aid, 1 implant and Miles-2 Hearing Aids). Yeah, my kids might be the ones that are a bit much to handle but ehh.. if it doesn't work out, I will just have to keep trying. I'm not afraid of 'exposing' the lil' Steffens to other people, just afraid of putting too much responsibility on the help! Did you know that if Kendra's CI's get mixed up (Left one put on right side or vice-versa) she will scream a schrill of pain/discomfort?? I'm not sure what exactly happens, but I know that it is not a good situation. I worry about things like that happening, if her 'ears' fall off. We call all the hearing devices ears. Or atleast we did up until Noah decided it was not sophisticated enough to label his hearing devices as ears ;) My little smarty pants prefers correct terminology these days. Imagine being out with us and having me say to you "uhoh, have you seen Kendra's right ear??" Sounds a bit funny, but that is how we talk. Matt and I question sometimes what an onlooker might think of us scolding our kids saying "Hey, you need to listen!" We've had a look a few times that I've read as "Lady, obviously they struggle to hear you". The truth is, they might struggle to hear. In large groups where there is a lot of background noise, it is difficult for them to decide what piece of noise they should be listening to. However, I can tell you Noah can hear a whisper. Noah can hear quite well, but sometimes he just choses not to LISTEN!! :) A good example of that is me asking Noah to pick up his legos -- He doesn't respond. I ask again, still no response. Next move of mine is to check to see if his processor is working. I take it off and he says HEY! I need that! Then, when I ask him why he wasn't answering me -- He tells me "Umm.. Maybe I didn't want to hear you". Imagine Noah with an ear to ear grin on his face... little stinker.
Continuing on with what I'm doing for myself to better myself.. DATE NIGHT!!!! A lot of times I need help from my family when it comes to watching my kids. If they aren't watching them for an appointment, then they are watching them so I can work. Sometimes I would just feel silly asking someone to watch them just so I could spend an evening with my husband. Even as I type this I think of how ridiculous it is to neglect my relationship with my husband because of my worries about what my family might think about me leaving my kids behind to go on a date with my husband. I TRULY believe spending time apart from the kids is important. Can't say I've perfected the art of making my husband #1, but I sure am trying!!
I'm reading more :) I forgot how much I really enjoy reading. I feel like it enhances my vocabulary to venture away from reading strictly - "Cat in the Hat" or "Llama llama, red pajama" ;) While those books are HUGE hits with my kids, I'm giving myself some time to read books of my own chosing. At first it was a chore, and I thought.. the last thing I wanted to be doing with my free time was reading more books. But lately, I can get lost in a book! It's such a stress reliever :)
I've decided to let my kids be kids and enjoy their toys, but to also hold them accountable for some of the cleanup. Noah likes to earn money by cleaning up toys and making his bed. The kids are getting used to not dumping out all the toys - and being able to play with a few at a time.
This may seem a bit silly, but I've been using pinterest a ton lately. A.) It is interesting and fun to see what is all on there, but mostly B.) I have found TONS of meal plans that have made my job of deciding what is for supper - WAY easier. I'm pretty sure I can cut my eat-out budjet in half by using this site. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy saving money?? There is some sort of thrill I get from saving that I can't even explain! If I can get better about planning ahead on the grocery end, I think I will be making less trips there too. But I have to admit, its kind of a stress reliever to hit the grocery store kid free :) I think the trick to keeping my relationship with pinterest healthy is C.) Limit my time - set an alarm for a quit time :) A friend of mine sends her kids with a kitchen timer alerting them when it's time to come home.. I've stolen that idea to monitor my screen time :)
I love to laugh. I find great joy in making others laugh also! I can even giggle a bit just knowing that something in this post may have made someone laugh at the screen before them! I'm shy, but watch out when I break out of that shell!! My witty one-liners might just drive you nuts ;)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Recognizing the beauty in the small things!
I just had a magnificent Valentines Day! Matt went into work early, so he could get off a little earlier to take me out for supper :) When I woke up, I saw a beautiful spread on my dining room table!! There was a vase filled with a beautiful flower arrangement, a candle lit, a decorative box filled with Andes mints and cream cheese frosted brownies!!! Whats even better about the brownies is.. He got them from Hy-Vee (I love you honey, but your not the next great baker ;)). I looked in amazement at the assortment he created for me when I realized he had the stereo on a low enough tone where it wasn't over-powering but I could hear it gently in the background. It was playing some beautiful music. I found my bible opened up to the book Song of Songs with vs. 10 and 11 highlighted. It read "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.
What a sweetie, right??
Poor guy though, this will be tough to top next year ;) I did feel pretty special! I know he had to have spent some time just thinking all those little details out.
For Valentines Day, I brought Kendra to the clinic! Well maybe that wasn't exactly a special occasion that brought us there.. it was for an ear infection :( On a bright note, Kendra has not had an ear infection in quite some time. I'm glad that its coming on now as more of a 'special occasion' rather than staying and planting its infectious self in her ear. They took a culture of the discharge that is coming out of her ear and my hope is that we might find out what bacteria is actually growing in there (it is quite smelly) and maybe be able to better treat or prevent it!
While we were at the clinic we had a nurse that we had never met before. Kendra, being her shy self initially was afraid to be weighed or even put down. This nurse was over-the-top amazing though. She was VERY patient with Kendra and also gentle and understanding. She asked us questions regarding Kendras implants. They were very genuine questions, which are always welcomed. As it turns out, she has a couple of cousins who are deaf. She marveled at Kendras speaking abilities.. At this point Kendra was showing off, couting 1-2-3-4-5, playing peek-a-boo and of course hamming up her audience with her great big dimples and ear to ear smile. I'm actually really appreciative of this visit, because our nurse gave me some of the kindest words of affirmation a stranger could EVER offer. She just commented on Kendras speech, mentioned her cuteness and what struck me the most is how she praised her happiness. She told me to "pat myself on the back for a job well done" and praised me for the follow through and hard work that we've put in since implanting.
I had dropped Miles off with my uncle Tim and my cousin Victor was there too. When I got back from the clinic to pick Miles up I cought the two grown men, on their hands and knees pushing Miles around the living room on a little 4 wheeler. Blessed. That's how I felt about the love Miles was recieving from them while I had zipped Kendra to the clinic. Sweet little Miles is a walking man now!! Well, kind of walking - maybe stumbling is a better way to explain it.
We've been celebrating growth in all of our childrens language skills lately. While watching The Cat in the Hat the other day, Noah was sitting on my lap. I felt him jolt around to the suspenseful music. It was really rewarding to see him recognize those auditory cues in the form of music. Music is a toughy for kids with implants. They say that it 'sounds' more mechanical. Seeing as to how Noah doesn't really understand what 'normal' sounds like, maybe it will be an advantage that he has already just adapted to. The dreaded kindergarden letter came in the mail yesterday. Ugh, if I only knew all the answers in life!
Today, Noah told me that he is sooo very proud of me. The best part of why he is proud of me is that all I did to make him proud was cut up a banana and share it with all the kids. OH the simple things :) I'm hoping I can take some lessons from Noah on recognizing the beauty in the small things!!!
What a sweetie, right??
Poor guy though, this will be tough to top next year ;) I did feel pretty special! I know he had to have spent some time just thinking all those little details out.
For Valentines Day, I brought Kendra to the clinic! Well maybe that wasn't exactly a special occasion that brought us there.. it was for an ear infection :( On a bright note, Kendra has not had an ear infection in quite some time. I'm glad that its coming on now as more of a 'special occasion' rather than staying and planting its infectious self in her ear. They took a culture of the discharge that is coming out of her ear and my hope is that we might find out what bacteria is actually growing in there (it is quite smelly) and maybe be able to better treat or prevent it!
While we were at the clinic we had a nurse that we had never met before. Kendra, being her shy self initially was afraid to be weighed or even put down. This nurse was over-the-top amazing though. She was VERY patient with Kendra and also gentle and understanding. She asked us questions regarding Kendras implants. They were very genuine questions, which are always welcomed. As it turns out, she has a couple of cousins who are deaf. She marveled at Kendras speaking abilities.. At this point Kendra was showing off, couting 1-2-3-4-5, playing peek-a-boo and of course hamming up her audience with her great big dimples and ear to ear smile. I'm actually really appreciative of this visit, because our nurse gave me some of the kindest words of affirmation a stranger could EVER offer. She just commented on Kendras speech, mentioned her cuteness and what struck me the most is how she praised her happiness. She told me to "pat myself on the back for a job well done" and praised me for the follow through and hard work that we've put in since implanting.
I had dropped Miles off with my uncle Tim and my cousin Victor was there too. When I got back from the clinic to pick Miles up I cought the two grown men, on their hands and knees pushing Miles around the living room on a little 4 wheeler. Blessed. That's how I felt about the love Miles was recieving from them while I had zipped Kendra to the clinic. Sweet little Miles is a walking man now!! Well, kind of walking - maybe stumbling is a better way to explain it.
We've been celebrating growth in all of our childrens language skills lately. While watching The Cat in the Hat the other day, Noah was sitting on my lap. I felt him jolt around to the suspenseful music. It was really rewarding to see him recognize those auditory cues in the form of music. Music is a toughy for kids with implants. They say that it 'sounds' more mechanical. Seeing as to how Noah doesn't really understand what 'normal' sounds like, maybe it will be an advantage that he has already just adapted to. The dreaded kindergarden letter came in the mail yesterday. Ugh, if I only knew all the answers in life!
Today, Noah told me that he is sooo very proud of me. The best part of why he is proud of me is that all I did to make him proud was cut up a banana and share it with all the kids. OH the simple things :) I'm hoping I can take some lessons from Noah on recognizing the beauty in the small things!!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Welcome, February!
I am in such a good mood and I'm just not sure whats gotten into me! While Kendra is defining her new "I'm 2, deal with it" attitude, Miles is approaching 1. Tomorrow we will celebrate his first birthday! Noah has already been inviting people to his 5th birthday party (not til July 31... but has totally been on his mind since his siblings recent birthday party). Definitely been staying busy over here at the Steffen house. Last week, I updated my dry-erase calendar from October to February :) Time for me to start taking control of my TIME!
Just thinking about time... I start to wonder, how can Noah be turning 5 this summer??! How did that happen? I've been putting some thought into whether or not to have Noah go to kindergarden next year or to hold off. He LOVES school, and I think the structure of school and the social setting is really good for him. But, what to do, what to do!? This thought process gets me to thinking about all the decisions we make and where those decisions lead us. It's hard to believe that 2 years ago I was a full time employee. After we had Kendra, we found out she was hearing impaired and sort of felt like we needed to make some priority shifts in our life in order to offer our kids the best of ourselves. We prayed, and prayed and prayed some more. I think I was literally looking for God to smack me upside the head and say "stay home, stupid" or "silly, silly girl, work hard and provide". Needless to say, there was no literal smacking going on. Instead, we found out we were expecting Miles and then making a decision to stay home felt more clear :)
I'm totally the over-analyzer type. I come off calm, clear and collected but on the inside my brain is usually racing!! The thought "What if.." might be one of my biggest downfalls. I'm definitely strong willed, but also a people pleaser. Sometimes I struggle with what I want to do for myself but what I feel like I should be doing for someone else. I need to remember that it is not always selfish to work on myself. This past weekend at a retreat I was reminded that I cannot love well until I feel well loved. I sort of feel like here I have been trying to lovelovelovelovelove love!! Don't get me wrong, I love to love. One of the ways I feel most fulfilled is showing acts of kindness to others. But lately, I think I've lost a little bit of sight of the truth behind my loving nature. I need to remember that I love, because HE loved me first. I serve an awesome GOD who loves me despite any kind actions or kind words I might share. At the end of the day, God has NOT tallied my kind behaviors. Before I can truly share love with anyone, I need to be able to recieve it. Maybe its my "womanly" nature, but I struggle with feeling unworthy sometimes. When I am really struggling with something, I search for peace within myself and rarely find it there. 1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Trust me, I've been in some pretty deep rutts. I've allowed my mind to drive me absolutely nuts with my "what if" mentality. I am SOOOO not perfect, nor will I ever be. But one thing I can say with certainty, is that when I am at a low.. HE brings me comfort. I just have to be able to ask for it, and able to recieve it!
I just have a cute story that I have to share! If you've seen my Noah, you know he is pretty sweet :) We were at a store the other day and a little boy, not much shorter than Noah walked up to him and swiped his magnetized ear piece of his cochlear implant off his head. Noah said "Hey, thats my cochlear implant, I need that so I can hear!" and the little boy said "What is that???" Noah said to him "It's like glasses for ears and I need them" and he had a big smile on his face :) :) Noah took the magnet back off and said "see, now I can't hear you anymore" then he flipped it back on and said "I can hear you again". My little boy is already learning skills to advocate for himself! Quite frankly, I'm glad that lil' boy got loose from his Mom and Noah got the opportunity to explain!! This is always something when your a little bit 'different' that you might worry about. But now Noah has proved to me, he is fully equipped and able to hold his own with that matter! It's almost ridiculous how many times I have make-shifted that situation in my head and worried and worried and worried about it! Noah handled it better than any of my imaginatory events turned out. Couldn't be more proud of that little boy. :)
Just thinking about time... I start to wonder, how can Noah be turning 5 this summer??! How did that happen? I've been putting some thought into whether or not to have Noah go to kindergarden next year or to hold off. He LOVES school, and I think the structure of school and the social setting is really good for him. But, what to do, what to do!? This thought process gets me to thinking about all the decisions we make and where those decisions lead us. It's hard to believe that 2 years ago I was a full time employee. After we had Kendra, we found out she was hearing impaired and sort of felt like we needed to make some priority shifts in our life in order to offer our kids the best of ourselves. We prayed, and prayed and prayed some more. I think I was literally looking for God to smack me upside the head and say "stay home, stupid" or "silly, silly girl, work hard and provide". Needless to say, there was no literal smacking going on. Instead, we found out we were expecting Miles and then making a decision to stay home felt more clear :)
I'm totally the over-analyzer type. I come off calm, clear and collected but on the inside my brain is usually racing!! The thought "What if.." might be one of my biggest downfalls. I'm definitely strong willed, but also a people pleaser. Sometimes I struggle with what I want to do for myself but what I feel like I should be doing for someone else. I need to remember that it is not always selfish to work on myself. This past weekend at a retreat I was reminded that I cannot love well until I feel well loved. I sort of feel like here I have been trying to lovelovelovelovelove love!! Don't get me wrong, I love to love. One of the ways I feel most fulfilled is showing acts of kindness to others. But lately, I think I've lost a little bit of sight of the truth behind my loving nature. I need to remember that I love, because HE loved me first. I serve an awesome GOD who loves me despite any kind actions or kind words I might share. At the end of the day, God has NOT tallied my kind behaviors. Before I can truly share love with anyone, I need to be able to recieve it. Maybe its my "womanly" nature, but I struggle with feeling unworthy sometimes. When I am really struggling with something, I search for peace within myself and rarely find it there. 1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Trust me, I've been in some pretty deep rutts. I've allowed my mind to drive me absolutely nuts with my "what if" mentality. I am SOOOO not perfect, nor will I ever be. But one thing I can say with certainty, is that when I am at a low.. HE brings me comfort. I just have to be able to ask for it, and able to recieve it!
I just have a cute story that I have to share! If you've seen my Noah, you know he is pretty sweet :) We were at a store the other day and a little boy, not much shorter than Noah walked up to him and swiped his magnetized ear piece of his cochlear implant off his head. Noah said "Hey, thats my cochlear implant, I need that so I can hear!" and the little boy said "What is that???" Noah said to him "It's like glasses for ears and I need them" and he had a big smile on his face :) :) Noah took the magnet back off and said "see, now I can't hear you anymore" then he flipped it back on and said "I can hear you again". My little boy is already learning skills to advocate for himself! Quite frankly, I'm glad that lil' boy got loose from his Mom and Noah got the opportunity to explain!! This is always something when your a little bit 'different' that you might worry about. But now Noah has proved to me, he is fully equipped and able to hold his own with that matter! It's almost ridiculous how many times I have make-shifted that situation in my head and worried and worried and worried about it! Noah handled it better than any of my imaginatory events turned out. Couldn't be more proud of that little boy. :)
Friday, January 20, 2012
FUN FUN WEEK!!!
What a fun week! Noah and I baked a cake on Thursday afternoon for his sister Kendras 2nd birthday :) Yumm, chocolate per Noahs request. We celebrated it being her actual birth day by having a little cake and ice cream after nap, making homemade pizza and topped it off with some popcorn and cuddle time before bed. Kendra had a WONDERFUL day! While Matt was playing "Hide and Go Mystery" (Noah's version of hide and go seek, coupled with Scooby Doo mystery characters) Kendra was trying to keep up with the boys. I was rolling out pizza dough in the kitchen when I heard Kendra say "one-two-three-four!!!" WOW!! She was listening to the boys do their countdown to go 'seek' the other and she picked that up. Definitely won't forget that she first started counting on her 2nd birthday :)
Saturday, were looking forward to having the family over for some cake, food and celebration time as we do a co-birthday party for Miles and Kendra. With their birthdays being just a couple weeks apart, we figured it would be easiest on the family members that have to travel to see us.
I had the pleasure of starting my week off with a really great message at church, then I went home to prepare some meals for a friend who had a baby last week (anyone who knows me, knows I enjoy cooking and creating in the kitchen ;)) Then, another friend had a baby and I got to snuggle that little one. Next, I spent a day with my sister.. hanging out and catching up. Followed that with a magnificent (and maybe overdue) phone conversation with an awesome friend! After that, I enjoyed an extra day with my hubby (eventhough it mostly consisted of preparing for an upcoming birthday party.. just being able to enjoy my hubbys presence is a gift!). That night I was able to go to a friends house and catch up with LOTS of friends, make some new and get to know some old better. AmAzInG!!
The only thing I can think to complain about... nah, not worth it ;) Maybe that is even a blessing. My phone is broken and I get a new one!!! :) :) :)
Well, I got to thinking last night. After I got home from my MUMS bash.. which was a great time, I was thinking about how I would want people to look at our family from the outside. First of all, I welcome you all in :) What I find interesting, is the fact that few people have ever asked me about our kids and their hearing loss or cochlear implants. At the same time, I completely understand. Who knows if I'm struggling with it, denying there are any issues at all or sensitive to their differences. Last night, I had a small laugh with a couple of lovely ladies over their lack of hearing. That might seem a bit odd, but it was entirely appropriate (in my eyes). We were talking about the 3 sweeeeeet little children belonging to the host of our MUMS party, that were supposed to be trying to shut their eyes and sleep amidst the cackling, laughter and giggle outbursts that were happening just through their bedroom doors. I joked, we should have these gatherings at my house because my kids wouldn't be bothered a bit by the noise :) It's true, an advantage on life that people might not recognize!
That is the truth, and it doesn't hurt my feelings. Ask all the questions you can think of. A sweet little girl at church on Sunday.. she just turned 10. She is always very very very kind to our family and adores our little ones. She asked about Miles' hearing aids (which if you've seen before are pretty small). She was wondering if he would have to get a cochlear implant and I just told her the truth. I said, not as of now because his hearing is better than his brother and sisters. She just smiled and said, "Thats okay if he can't hear too good, he is perfect just the way God made him". That sweet, sweet girl hit it right on the nose. At just 10 years old, she has had one of the most in depth conversations, regarding the kids' hearing loss, anyone has attempted with me in a long time!
If I'm being honest, when I start to feel bad about their hearing loss it usually stems around the fact that it's a genetic issue. Typically, I don't go to that ugly place of blame on myself. I look at Noah and I see a very sociable, smart, thriving individual. It's hard to feel bad for him at this point, because he has no delay as far as his speech and academic abilities go. When I think about Kendra, while she is still catching up.. considering her hearing age is 12 months and she recently counted to 4 and has expanded her vocabulary to around 50 words -- How can I feel bad about that? Miles who is approaching 12 months old is reaching a lot of his developmental milestones and language is coming! He does babble and say mama, dada and baba.. which is something that none of my other kids could murmur at 11 months old! Sometimes, I think I just need a swift kick and a reminder.. maybe even a pat on the back! I need to reject feelings of discouragement and rejoice in the fact that I GOT HERE!! My kids are on track and feeling the love!! Not to toot my own horn, but the language that has been acquired by my children is not the result of a couple sessions of hearing therapy! While I love the opportunity to get more ideas on how to find those breakthroughs, I'm still the one who is putting the time and energy into my kids development at this point. Which reminds me, why would I want to blame myself because of 'my genetic' issues that I have placed upon my children. Because.... I'm basically amazing right?? Haha, well I won't go that far ;)
I have the GREAT joy of being able to connect with other families that are experiencing the same facts that I had when Noah came out of a failed newborn hearing screening. A lot of times I get asked questions and I know they are coming from a place where I have been.. hurt, disbelief and blame. A mom asked me once, how do I know that cochlear implant is the right decision? How do I know my child won't hate me later for doing this. That is a question that I asked myself! There is still a chance that my kids will decide later in life that they don't want to use a hearing device. What I know though, for right now, is that my kids laugh, sing along and dance to music. They adore their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and have no strains on their relationships or language barriers. And this might be selfish, but when Noah says "Mommy, I love you, your my best friend" my whole world shines!! When Kendra hears someone laugh and mimics it until it turns into a down right giggle fit, my world shines again!! And when Miles turns to me and smiles upon his name being called.. my WHOLE WORLD SHINES!! Praise GOD!!
Saturday, were looking forward to having the family over for some cake, food and celebration time as we do a co-birthday party for Miles and Kendra. With their birthdays being just a couple weeks apart, we figured it would be easiest on the family members that have to travel to see us.
I had the pleasure of starting my week off with a really great message at church, then I went home to prepare some meals for a friend who had a baby last week (anyone who knows me, knows I enjoy cooking and creating in the kitchen ;)) Then, another friend had a baby and I got to snuggle that little one. Next, I spent a day with my sister.. hanging out and catching up. Followed that with a magnificent (and maybe overdue) phone conversation with an awesome friend! After that, I enjoyed an extra day with my hubby (eventhough it mostly consisted of preparing for an upcoming birthday party.. just being able to enjoy my hubbys presence is a gift!). That night I was able to go to a friends house and catch up with LOTS of friends, make some new and get to know some old better. AmAzInG!!
The only thing I can think to complain about... nah, not worth it ;) Maybe that is even a blessing. My phone is broken and I get a new one!!! :) :) :)
Well, I got to thinking last night. After I got home from my MUMS bash.. which was a great time, I was thinking about how I would want people to look at our family from the outside. First of all, I welcome you all in :) What I find interesting, is the fact that few people have ever asked me about our kids and their hearing loss or cochlear implants. At the same time, I completely understand. Who knows if I'm struggling with it, denying there are any issues at all or sensitive to their differences. Last night, I had a small laugh with a couple of lovely ladies over their lack of hearing. That might seem a bit odd, but it was entirely appropriate (in my eyes). We were talking about the 3 sweeeeeet little children belonging to the host of our MUMS party, that were supposed to be trying to shut their eyes and sleep amidst the cackling, laughter and giggle outbursts that were happening just through their bedroom doors. I joked, we should have these gatherings at my house because my kids wouldn't be bothered a bit by the noise :) It's true, an advantage on life that people might not recognize!
That is the truth, and it doesn't hurt my feelings. Ask all the questions you can think of. A sweet little girl at church on Sunday.. she just turned 10. She is always very very very kind to our family and adores our little ones. She asked about Miles' hearing aids (which if you've seen before are pretty small). She was wondering if he would have to get a cochlear implant and I just told her the truth. I said, not as of now because his hearing is better than his brother and sisters. She just smiled and said, "Thats okay if he can't hear too good, he is perfect just the way God made him". That sweet, sweet girl hit it right on the nose. At just 10 years old, she has had one of the most in depth conversations, regarding the kids' hearing loss, anyone has attempted with me in a long time!
If I'm being honest, when I start to feel bad about their hearing loss it usually stems around the fact that it's a genetic issue. Typically, I don't go to that ugly place of blame on myself. I look at Noah and I see a very sociable, smart, thriving individual. It's hard to feel bad for him at this point, because he has no delay as far as his speech and academic abilities go. When I think about Kendra, while she is still catching up.. considering her hearing age is 12 months and she recently counted to 4 and has expanded her vocabulary to around 50 words -- How can I feel bad about that? Miles who is approaching 12 months old is reaching a lot of his developmental milestones and language is coming! He does babble and say mama, dada and baba.. which is something that none of my other kids could murmur at 11 months old! Sometimes, I think I just need a swift kick and a reminder.. maybe even a pat on the back! I need to reject feelings of discouragement and rejoice in the fact that I GOT HERE!! My kids are on track and feeling the love!! Not to toot my own horn, but the language that has been acquired by my children is not the result of a couple sessions of hearing therapy! While I love the opportunity to get more ideas on how to find those breakthroughs, I'm still the one who is putting the time and energy into my kids development at this point. Which reminds me, why would I want to blame myself because of 'my genetic' issues that I have placed upon my children. Because.... I'm basically amazing right?? Haha, well I won't go that far ;)
I have the GREAT joy of being able to connect with other families that are experiencing the same facts that I had when Noah came out of a failed newborn hearing screening. A lot of times I get asked questions and I know they are coming from a place where I have been.. hurt, disbelief and blame. A mom asked me once, how do I know that cochlear implant is the right decision? How do I know my child won't hate me later for doing this. That is a question that I asked myself! There is still a chance that my kids will decide later in life that they don't want to use a hearing device. What I know though, for right now, is that my kids laugh, sing along and dance to music. They adore their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and have no strains on their relationships or language barriers. And this might be selfish, but when Noah says "Mommy, I love you, your my best friend" my whole world shines!! When Kendra hears someone laugh and mimics it until it turns into a down right giggle fit, my world shines again!! And when Miles turns to me and smiles upon his name being called.. my WHOLE WORLD SHINES!! Praise GOD!!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Hearing loss schmearing loss..
What a day! I always tell myself I am going to ask for more help on days like today. Kendra and Miles each had appointments in Mankato today. I am SOOOOO greatful for the staff there! Usually, I try to schedule the kids' appointments on different days, but whenever they try to add any additional appts to existing I get a burst of SuperMom energy and think it will all be just fine :) The kids were pretty well behaved, considering the amount of time we were all confined to a small hearing aid room. Miles is up and running with two fully functioning and fitting ear molds!! Kendra had her cochlear implants "mapped".. basically meaning they were adjusted to better suit her needs. With a small amount of bribery, in the form of Rice Krispie treats and Suckers.... Everyone left the clinic with a smile on their face (including Mom). Days like today are hard on me, and while I wish Matt could have been there I'm appreciative that he has work. Tuesdays happen to be his one day of the week that work is a must (meetings etc.) and it's also the day we most frequently have appointments.
This morning, as I was searching for all the necessary equipment to make our appointments a success.. I was feeling sorry for myself and disappointed in my lack of organization. It's a lot of equipment and at some point, I will learn my lesson and build shelves upon shelves of nicely labeled organized space.
Before our appointment, I braved Taco Johns with the two babies. It was actually a pretty good experience :) After buckling Miles into his high chair seat, I stepped over to the beverage bar and started filling up my drink and proceded to get ketchup. Meanwhile, a nice gentleman brought our tray to our table. I finished getting entirely too much ketchup and Kendra apparently could not wait any longer. She folded her hands and mumbled something that made ZERO sense. When she finished, she through her hands in the air and yelled "ank-oooh Zezus!" It was clear to me, at that point, she had finished her meal-time prayer. After that, I decided it was going to be a good day! I was letting my feelings dictate my mood. Prior to Taco Johns, I was already defeated about the way our appointments were going to go. Why do I do that to myself?
When I got to the clinic, I realized I did not have the stroller with me. Bummer. However, Kendra was just as proud as could be as she waltzed her way through the automatic spinning doors. Miles, hugged my hip tightly as I followed Kendra in. She knew right where to go, all the way to the elevator. If you have seen Miles lately, you know that carrying him all the way through the clinic, to the elevator, while the elevator goes down a floor and back through another lobby.. counts as intense aerobic excercise for today :) Twice actually, because I had to make the same trip back out when we were all done!
Kendra babbled today. A lot of times she is as shy as can be.. not showing her true colors. She is actually a very vibrant speaking motor mouth. I mean that in the best way possible! It's miraculous how technology (the cochlear implant) has transformed her verbal life. Just because things don't always go how I plan them, doesn't mean they aren't going right.
As Kendra approaches age 2 and Miles 1.. I'm reminded of all my anxieties of pregnancy and delivery. I remember praying for health and praying for hearing. What I should have been praying for was my own hearts healing. Sometimes I become bitter about the challenges that are before us. When I had Miles, our pastor visited us in the hospital. He might have known how Miles' at birth hearing screening went, he might not have. Miles had failed, which made us 3 for 3 on the kids. Pastor brought in a piece of paper that had Proverbs 3:5-6 on it. It said "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." I guess sometimes its not for me to fully understand.
So who said that life wasn't going to be full of challenging days? In fact, sometimes I am too afraid to be outspoken about our challenges because I don't want the judgement that comes with it. I know that there are several people who have wondered why we would have a third child after have 2 deaf ones! It's sad really. One of the couples that I look up to the most has 7 children. They have a wonderful marriage and are raising magnificent individuals. I'm not saying that I want to have 7 children (maybe she is WAY more women than I am ;)) but would it really be that tragic if I wanted to have 4th child? Yet again, I am reminded that it really is not for ANYONE to fully understand.
Just to be clear, I'm not expecting number 4. Nor are we contemplating the conception of him/her :) Someday, maybe :) Reminding myself... Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
This morning, as I was searching for all the necessary equipment to make our appointments a success.. I was feeling sorry for myself and disappointed in my lack of organization. It's a lot of equipment and at some point, I will learn my lesson and build shelves upon shelves of nicely labeled organized space.
Before our appointment, I braved Taco Johns with the two babies. It was actually a pretty good experience :) After buckling Miles into his high chair seat, I stepped over to the beverage bar and started filling up my drink and proceded to get ketchup. Meanwhile, a nice gentleman brought our tray to our table. I finished getting entirely too much ketchup and Kendra apparently could not wait any longer. She folded her hands and mumbled something that made ZERO sense. When she finished, she through her hands in the air and yelled "ank-oooh Zezus!" It was clear to me, at that point, she had finished her meal-time prayer. After that, I decided it was going to be a good day! I was letting my feelings dictate my mood. Prior to Taco Johns, I was already defeated about the way our appointments were going to go. Why do I do that to myself?
When I got to the clinic, I realized I did not have the stroller with me. Bummer. However, Kendra was just as proud as could be as she waltzed her way through the automatic spinning doors. Miles, hugged my hip tightly as I followed Kendra in. She knew right where to go, all the way to the elevator. If you have seen Miles lately, you know that carrying him all the way through the clinic, to the elevator, while the elevator goes down a floor and back through another lobby.. counts as intense aerobic excercise for today :) Twice actually, because I had to make the same trip back out when we were all done!
Kendra babbled today. A lot of times she is as shy as can be.. not showing her true colors. She is actually a very vibrant speaking motor mouth. I mean that in the best way possible! It's miraculous how technology (the cochlear implant) has transformed her verbal life. Just because things don't always go how I plan them, doesn't mean they aren't going right.
As Kendra approaches age 2 and Miles 1.. I'm reminded of all my anxieties of pregnancy and delivery. I remember praying for health and praying for hearing. What I should have been praying for was my own hearts healing. Sometimes I become bitter about the challenges that are before us. When I had Miles, our pastor visited us in the hospital. He might have known how Miles' at birth hearing screening went, he might not have. Miles had failed, which made us 3 for 3 on the kids. Pastor brought in a piece of paper that had Proverbs 3:5-6 on it. It said "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." I guess sometimes its not for me to fully understand.
So who said that life wasn't going to be full of challenging days? In fact, sometimes I am too afraid to be outspoken about our challenges because I don't want the judgement that comes with it. I know that there are several people who have wondered why we would have a third child after have 2 deaf ones! It's sad really. One of the couples that I look up to the most has 7 children. They have a wonderful marriage and are raising magnificent individuals. I'm not saying that I want to have 7 children (maybe she is WAY more women than I am ;)) but would it really be that tragic if I wanted to have 4th child? Yet again, I am reminded that it really is not for ANYONE to fully understand.
Just to be clear, I'm not expecting number 4. Nor are we contemplating the conception of him/her :) Someday, maybe :) Reminding myself... Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
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