Where has the time gone? My twins are 18 months old!!!!!! My oldest is just shy of turning 8 and wrapping up his 2nd grade school year. Kendra is going to be a kindergartener!! Good gravy, who knew this would ever happen?? Who knew that I wouldn't still be surviving off of 4-6 hours of sleep every night?? I didn't think Aubree was ever going to get those cochlear implants and now she is saying words!!! Who knew that Baylee would turn into a little jokester just like her daddy, making it more of a 50/50 split on her attitude -- straight up diva or lovable little trickster. Can't forget about my sweet little Milesy, he has turned the corner towards a very outspoken and super smart boy. He has not lost his sensitivity (yes, he loves barbies and enjoys watching my little pony videos on youtube-- I happen to adore his individuality). They are all thriving in their own areas. Each of my kids is VERY much different from the one before them. I just could never have guessed it a year ago. One year ago, I was sliding down a slippery slope. I was not sure what I was doing wrong, but certainly (I thought), my littles needed me to step up my mama game. If you can't remember, let me paint the picture.....
When Noah finished first grade, I was elated to have him done. He excelled academically but struggled socially and it BROKE MY HEART!! Last year, I would get so emotional thinking about how he didn't really have the confidence to ask to play with people and then of course, I wondered if people shunned him because of his ears. Of course, his ears had to be the problem because he was an amazing boy!!! (clearly, that last sentence was my maternal brilliance kicking in-- had to blame something, and it certainly couldn't be my perfect boy). A year ago, my sweet, 4 year old Kendra was pretty much the opposite of her big brother. She had confidence, could make friends with a simple little flash of her dimples and instead, struggled with her ABC's and 123's. She didn't love to read like her brother did (so surely, I had done something wrong!! If she enjoyed stories, SURELY she would have picked up on language and learning just as her big brother. Man, I was a failure). Miles was still in the repeating phase last year. Twelve months ago, I was already predicting that Miles would not be ready for kindergarten (2 years out at the time), because I was failing him. I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong, but there was something that I was missing because Noah was a genius academically, Kendra was sub-par and Miles was merely repeating what I was saying-- did he lack the ability to comprehend?? I didn't know, and webMD and google didn't have the answer either. I was up a creek without a paddle. A failure. A year ago, we didn't know if Aubree was hearing us or not. It seemed like it would come and go and good grief, with all the sleep we were getting, how reliable were we at reporting how well she was or wasn't doing?? Ummmm..... pressure!! I'd stuffed myself in a pressure cooker and I don't know how I didn't blow. A year ago, Matt started his journey in the Marshall store. He tagged on 2.5ish hours of travel each day. It is REALLY hard to have your husband that far away when your a soldier in the trenches. A year ago, Baylee cried and cried and cried some more.
But look at me now! I'm a survivor!!! :)
It has been a while, and probably too long since I've taken some time to sit down and feel it all out. Truth is, a lot of times its just easier to try to forget that you feel or how you feel. Especially when your trying to be strong, stand tall in your faith, and be thankful for the yesterdays and hopeful for the tomorrows. I guess that is pretty much the reason I haven't taken too many time outs to write like I used to faithfully. I had a once a month rule, no more, no less for the first year that I blogged. I have about a zillion unpublished blogs and only about 20ish (?) that I've confidently hit "publish" on. I'm a fairly happy gal, really, I am. Somedays, I feel like all signs point towards the fact that I don't have to chose happy, but I still make a pretty good effort at it. My quality of life is highly dependent on the choices that I make. The reason I'm writing this blog is simple.... If confidence is key to success, than humility must be a super power. Let me humble myself before you all today.
People, people, people. I'm only 27 years young, so I will be the first to admit that I have a lot to learn in life. You've probably heard the term, hindsight is 20/20? True story! I still have to figure out how to step into the present situation that I am in and recognize the beauty. I've mastered looking back and realizing that ohhhh.... all this lead me to that, which helped us achieve this and accomplish all of THAT! My thought process doesn't always lean in a positive direction. I'm more of a "what more could/should I have done" type of girl. That is what I am trying to make a conscious decision at changing. I'm sure I will have a relapse or 10, dwelling on the not-so-positive, but hey I'm human. I'm a humble human. Being a humble human makes me AmAzInG!!! Why, you ask?? Because I'm not done growing. I won't allow it!! I will continue to become a better version of myself! BOOM! That's what's up! (okay, totally just sounded like my quirky husband right there)...
And for the highlight reel................
Kendra just participated in her first dance class, complete with a dance recital that consisted of 3 different dance routines. NAILED it! During the recital, my worst fear happened.. Kendras CI processor fell off her head during one of her spins. It flew behind her, within the stomping ground of one of her many fellow dancers. I gasped in the audience, feeling helpless and wanting to cover my eyes like I would during one of the suspenseful moments while watching the Black List. She noticed immediately, her eyes tracked it and she turned around and grabbed her CI and placed it right back on her head and recovered like a CHAMPION! Yea, I am still pretty proud.
Noah has leaps and bounds grown socially over the course of this past year. He plays with the neighborhood kids, when I go to the school to hang out for a bit, people are always interacting with him and he has developed quite the personality. He reminds me of his dad, doesn't let too much bother him and knows how to be the life of the party. School still comes pretty easy for him, except for the fact that he doesn't write as nicely as his 5 year old sister. HAHA, but hey. We had 5 kids hoping one would be a doctor :)
I have the best conversations with Miles. He truly is such a sweet boy!!! He's the type of kid who will come home and recognize that I've done my hair (I've got 5 kids, no way am I maintaining a beautiful head of hair). But he notices!! He is appreciative, thankful, helpful and kind. He talks a TON!! While not all of what he says is understandable... he is so on the right track.
Aubree has words!!! Which certainly means her CI's are WORKING!!! I will be 100% honest. She did not respond reliably when her name was called for the first 2 months of wearing her CI's. January and February were rough.... I was not confident (imagine that-- worry wart mama over here). When all of a sudden... after months of talking and talking and trying soooo hard to keep her "ears" on. I would sing EVERYDAY, nursery rhymes with actions-- specifically itsy bitsy spider and patty-cake. One day, I was singing itsy bitsy with NO actions cues and wah-lah! She started bobbing from side to side and doing the actions ALL BY HERSELF! Now, she makes lots of sounds and she knows her name!!!! :) :). Tears, you guys. It was such a long road. She's doing so great, I never could have imagined my heart could be this happy. This time its happy tears, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Baylee has turned into quite the lover. She cuddles and kisses now. Huge upgrade from the little girl who had lots and lots of tears that were quite unexplicable for a LONG time. She sings songs, has a huge vocabulary and did I mention that she is quirky?? Her giggle is possibly the most contagious sound ever. The twins are routinely napping from noon-2:30-3, and sleeping through the night. A year ago, I would not have imagined life could be this good.
We still have our rougher moments. Even on a daily basis, whether it be CI hunting, someone got an ouchie rough housing, someone at school told me my ears are funny, etc.. etc.. But there are beautiful lessons to be learned with each situation that were faced with. The last year was a beautiful, lesson filled year. I'm confident that this year will be the same!
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