Oh my is the sun shining BRIGHT today!!!!
Seriously, today has been a beautiful day for the Steffen family. Aubree and Noah went to the audiologist today (I know.. shocking, seems were there fairly regularly). Words cannot even describe how amazing I am feeling about our journey right now. Where we've come from and especially where we are going. I am over the moon excited for Monday, when we activate Aubrees second implant. Ohh, it's love.
All you mommy's, daddy's, aunts, uncles, grams and gramps, and friends that could basically classify as family to others get this. Love makes you crazy. I know I am not the only one. But, you know when your going through some things and your really just wondering "what's going to happen" or "how is this going to work out" and even "am I making the right decision" or "did I handle this the right way". When you love someone, those are really high priority questions, sometimes even with the minimal decisions. We all have 'whoopsies' and portions of days or even full days that we really just wish we could do-over. That's what LOVE does to us. It makes us CrAzY!!!! We want to do it right. We want to do our loved ones justice in the way that we impact their lives.
Relate to me, here. You love your son or daughter or maybe its a niece or a nephew so much that sometimes you just go nuts. Hmm.. should my son play basketball?? He's not reeeaaalllly getting it... hmm. WRONG. Boy were we wrong. Noah ROCKED that basketball court yesterday. You throw some color coordinated jerseys on so that he understood who was on his team and bingo-bango-bongo, he got it! His dad and I were kicking ourselves about the fact that we didn't play one-on-one or spend more time teaching him the basics, when in actuality, we had spent a fair amount of time building up his balling skill set. He might not be the next Michael Jordan, but he doesn't need to be. Now, just a day later I thing hahaha, hilarious. I really stressed about that. I felt bad, and for what? That my son wasn't 'better' at basketball? I just love the kid so much, I want him to be good at everything. My love for him makes me CRAZY!
Wives, can you relate to this one? My husband is great at what he does. He is an awesome manager. Thankfully, I work with him and 'get' what he does and where his mind goes. He is definitely a thinker/dreamer/make-it-better kind of guy. He has all sorts of ideas for work and sometimes I raise my eyebrows and think "wow... you really are something ;)" But I love that about him because he is always trying to be a part of something great. That's why he has achieved sooo many great things. But, I'm crazy! Really, I am. I don't care that he spent a majority of our drive to the doctor today on the phone working out 'work' things or that he buzzed in and out of our appointments for the same cause. I appreciate that about him! But, I'm crazy! :) Sometimes, I get insecure about my parenting. I'm worried because he leaves for work and ta-da --- its just me those little Steffens get. For many hours in a day, I'm it. I'm the referee, the teacher, the librarian, lunch lady and I'm their mommy. So what do I say to my husband? Literally, I told him last week that if Aubree is not successful with her CI's, it is ALLLLL MYYY FAULT!!! That is truly how I felt, because I spend so much time with her and was running out of steam with her CI. I guilted him into staying home to help me make the decision the day before her surgery, because I just couldn't have that sit on my heart alone.
I told you, I'm crazy. I love Aubree sooo much, that I just want to do everything I can for her. Some real hard truth is about to be dropped right here. Last week, I really had my husband and I questioning whether or not Aubree should get her second implant. I questioned if her first processor was working and whether I would want to put my baby girl through that procedure if I didn't think the first one was any benefit to her. I loved her so much, I got irrational and a lot of bit crazy! She had only been activated for a couple weeks, how could I think I knew this wasn't working? Our deaf and hard of hearing teacher had really been hitting us hard with questions about Aubrees ANSD and I started to question if CI's would work for her. I didn't see a jolting response from the first CI and started to worry. In hindsight, I wish that teacher wouldn't have shared a lack of success story just 5 days out of activation with us. It wasn't a good place for my mommy heart. So what does this crazy in love mommy do?? She cries. She worries about it and even goes so far as to convince her husband that maybe everything we had once believed would be right for us, is so wrong.
Today was a milestone day for me. I truly believe that it is ok to have INCH-stones. Yes, inch-stones. We don't have to go miles and miles of progress everyday, and reaching and celebrating the inches is what is best for our family right now. Aubree is doing amazing. My little girl is doing incredible and she is hearing. When we go to Mayo and everyone recognizes us, they know how hard we worked just to get these surgeries done and how amazing our older kids have done and they let us be involved in the hearing booth tests -- the feeling of gratitude is overwhelming. I LOVE the fact that we chose to take Noah to this facility, 7 years ago.
So what did I learn today?? I'm crazy.
I'm crazy in love with my family. This is probably the single best explanation I could give to people when they ask me what I do with my children that has got them where they are today. When I mentor mamas from now on, I'm going to be sure to tell them to ignite that crazy love in their hearts and give it all they have. Dig deep, parents. Don't be afraid to ask questions and wonder. It's like my husband at work, his ideas are out there... BUT GO AHEAD AND GO OUT THERE!!! Reel yourself back in, but for Pete's/Karen's/Joe's sake, love them like CRAZY!
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