Hearing loss schmearing loss..

What a day!  I always tell myself I am going to ask for more help on days like today.  Kendra and Miles each had appointments in Mankato today.  I am SOOOOO greatful for the staff there!  Usually, I try to schedule the kids' appointments on different days, but whenever they try to add any additional appts to existing I get a burst of SuperMom energy and think it will all be just fine :)  The kids were pretty well behaved, considering the amount of time we were all confined to a small hearing aid room.  Miles is up and running with two fully functioning and fitting ear molds!!  Kendra had her cochlear implants "mapped".. basically meaning they were adjusted to better suit her needs.  With a small amount of bribery, in the form of Rice Krispie treats and Suckers.... Everyone left the clinic with a smile on their face (including Mom).  Days like today are hard on me, and while I wish Matt could have been there I'm appreciative that he has work.  Tuesdays happen to be his one day of the week that work is a must (meetings etc.) and it's also the day we most frequently have appointments. 

This morning, as I was searching for all the necessary equipment to make our appointments a success.. I was feeling sorry for myself and disappointed in my lack of organization.  It's a lot of equipment and at some point, I will learn my lesson and build shelves upon shelves of nicely labeled organized space. 

Before our appointment, I braved Taco Johns with the two babies.  It was actually a pretty good experience :)  After buckling Miles into his high chair seat, I stepped over to the beverage bar and started filling up my drink and proceded to get ketchup.  Meanwhile, a nice gentleman brought our tray to our table.  I finished getting entirely too much ketchup and Kendra apparently could not wait any longer.  She folded her hands and mumbled something that made ZERO sense.  When she finished, she through her hands in the air and yelled "ank-oooh Zezus!"  It was clear to me, at that point, she had finished her meal-time prayer.  After that, I decided it was going to be a good day!  I was letting my feelings dictate my mood.  Prior to Taco Johns, I was already defeated about the way our appointments were going to go.  Why do I do that to myself? 

When I got to the clinic, I realized I did not have the stroller with me.  Bummer.  However, Kendra was just as proud as could be as she waltzed her way through the automatic spinning doors.  Miles, hugged my hip tightly as I followed Kendra in.  She knew right where to go, all the way to the elevator.  If you have seen Miles lately, you know that carrying him all the way through the clinic, to the elevator, while the elevator goes down a floor and back through another lobby.. counts as intense aerobic excercise for today :)  Twice actually, because I had to make the same trip back out when we were all done! 

Kendra babbled today.  A lot of times she is as shy as can be.. not showing her true colors.  She is actually a very vibrant speaking motor mouth.  I mean that in the best way possible!  It's miraculous how technology (the cochlear implant) has transformed her verbal life.  Just because things don't always go how I plan them, doesn't mean they aren't going right.

As Kendra approaches age 2 and Miles 1.. I'm reminded of all my anxieties of pregnancy and delivery.  I remember praying for health and praying for hearing.  What I should have been praying for was my own hearts healing.  Sometimes I become bitter about the challenges that are before us.  When I had Miles, our pastor visited us in the hospital.  He might have known how Miles' at birth hearing screening went, he might not have.  Miles had failed, which made us 3 for 3 on the kids.  Pastor brought in a piece of paper that had Proverbs 3:5-6 on it.  It said "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."  I guess sometimes its not for me to fully understand. 

So who said that life wasn't going to be full of challenging days?  In fact, sometimes I am too afraid to be outspoken about our challenges because I don't want the judgement that comes with it.  I know that there are several people who have wondered why we would have a third child after have 2 deaf ones!  It's sad really.  One of the couples that I look up to the most has 7 children.  They have a wonderful marriage and are raising magnificent individuals.  I'm not saying that I want to have 7 children (maybe she is WAY more women than I am ;)) but would it really be that tragic if I wanted to have  4th child?  Yet again, I am reminded that it really is not for ANYONE to fully understand.

Just to be clear, I'm not expecting number 4.  Nor are we contemplating the conception of him/her :)  Someday, maybe :)  Reminding myself... Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."